STFU: Dogs Deserve More Credit

KumaWow. I mean, just wow. What kind of person attacks a dog? I’m pretty sure that’s a crime in all 50 states. In his weekly “WTF” column, Kevin Carr had the audacity to try to say that wonder dog Kuma somehow doesn’t deserve recognition on IMDB, despite a long career spanning 19 jobs as an actor.

Kuma, birth name Kuma Von Clifford, is an Aussie/Husky mix that can pick up coins with his teeth! Off the ground. That is damned impressive. And did you see that picture of Kuma sitting in a leather bound chair? That dog should be hosting Masterpiece Theater and smoking a pipe. Hell, I want Kuma to write a weekly column at FSR.

This talented pup also understands more than 50 verbal and non-verbal signals, making him more literate than FSR staff member Cole Abaius. But in all seriousness, why shouldn’t animals be allowed to advertise their talents on IMDB? Not just any dog can do what is required to be an acting animal. The hours are still long, the job repetitive, and the rewards merely bacon. There have been several movies where the dog has outshone the actor. I Am Legend should be remembered if only for the fact that Will Smith was out-acted by Abbey the German Shepherd. On-set accounts reveal that the dog would respond to “rolling,” as if getting into character.

Animals are expressive and important parts of many stories and as such, they deserve recognition. Much like stunt players, animals are often overlooked. They deserve more bacon and belly rubs and possibly their own Animal Planet Awards Show. They do more than most producers and emote better than a lot of actors. Plus, they’re cute and fun and they don’t get all bitchy if their latte is cold. They don’t mind drinking from the toilet.

So Kevin, Shut The Fluff Up. Kuma deserves his spot on the IMDB, both out of recognition and out of the boost to his career that it could bring. But then again, maybe I’m a little spoiled having been as high as 167,052 on the Star Meter. I say bring on the dogs! Lets finally recognize our four legged friends for the stars they are.

Robert Fure is many things: horror expert, ruggedly handsome man of the world, witty prose composer, and writer of his own biography page. Beneath the bravado is a scared little boy, ready to grow into an awesome man and make lies about a scared little boy inside of him. Wait a minute...

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