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Movies to See Before the World Ends: Billy Madison

The Mayans, the wise race of ancients who created hot cocoa, set December 21st, 2012 as the end date of their Calendar, which the intelligent and logical amongst us know signifies the day the world will end, presumably at 12:21:12am, Mountain Time. From now until zero date, we will explore the 50 films you need to watch before the entire world perishes. We don’t have much time, so be content, be prepared, be entertained.

The Film: Billy Madison (1995)

The Plot: Billy Madison (Adam Sandler), is an idiot, a slacker, and heir to a grand chain of hotels. With his father eyeing retirement, Billy expects to be next in line to take over the company, but the weasel Eric Gordon (Bradley Whitford) raises some legitimate doubts about Billy’s mental capacities. To prove to his father that he’s capable of taking over the family business, Billy must complete grades 1-12 and graduate High School on an accelerated time table.

The Review: Billy Madison is classic Adam Sandler. In light of the evisceration of his latest film, That’s My Boy by Kate Erbland, I figured we should all take a moment to remember a time when Adam Sandler was making good, hilarious films. Paired with Happy Gilmore for a double feature (feeling frisky? Add Big Daddy for the triple play), you’ll understand why there was a day when people loved this guy.

Billy is a lovable idiot who spends a lot of his time drunk, sun bathing, and masturbating. He’s infinitely relatable to the common man. When he sees the firm buttocks of a female, he wants to touch the heiny. He spends a lot of time bathing deep in thought – which is more important, shampoo or conditioner? One cleans the hair, while the other makes it shining. Deep, indeed.

Make no mistake, if you’re looking for high art or deeper meanings, look elsewhere. Billy Madison is stupid fun, full of pickle racing, flaming piles of dog poop (It’s poop again!), brain damaged clowns, pants pissing, silly Sandler noises and faces, and with a musical interlude for good measure.

This classic example of Adam Sandler as we wish to remember him holds up well and, for fans, is still as quotable as ever. So if you know you dig the flick, whether it’s the pure idiocy of Billy, the sweetness of his 3rd grade friends, or the excellent supporting cast (Norm McDonald, Steve Buscemi, Larry Hankin, Bridgette Wilson), take a minute to revisit before That’s My Boy sends you into a violent rage.

If you haven’t seen Billy Madison, you owe it to yourself to experience the silly Sandler that talked about boobs and poop naturally and made us all laugh, long before he started making millions of dollars and terrible, Kevin James level movies.

But why spend 89 minutes watching this film when you only have 271,980 minutes left to live?

As one of the potentially few survivors of the Apocalypse, you will be a wealth of knowledge – the last link to a dead world. People will be confused as to why Adam Sandler was popular and in so many movies when they sucked. You will pass on the knowledge of a golden era of Sandler.

Also, your ass is about to be dead as hell, so you might as well go out laughing. So pop this film in and grab a carton of milk. It could be our milk. Nobody’s gotsta know about it.

Read more Apocalypse Soon titles and may God have mercy on your soul.

Robert Fure is many things: horror expert, ruggedly handsome man of the world, witty prose composer, and writer of his own biography page. Beneath the bravado is a scared little boy, ready to grow into an awesome man and make lies about a scared little boy inside of him. Wait a minute...

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