Killing Zombies

Every so often I like to step away from the world of clothing and alcohol and think about other ways you can take style hints from a movie. Like, the graceful arc of swinging a shovel or the gentle musical notes of racking the pump of a shotgun. When it really comes down to it (it being the Zombie Apocalypse), you’re not going to care about sneakers or hoodies, you’re going to care about brains and how to get them to the outside of skulls. That being said, let’s take a look at some popular zombie killing weapons and figure out which ones you need in your closet.

The Chainsaw

Like a thousand tiny razors hooked to a diesel engine and set to either “rip” or “tear,” this weapon sounds good and does awesome damage.

Pros: Awesome factor, deals a lot of damage, effective against doors.

Cons: Sprays possibly infected blood everywhere, can run out of gasoline at inopportune times.

Decision: Leave the chainsaw in the forest.

Crowbar

For some reason in movies, everyone has one of these blunt striking tools.

Pros: Heavy enough to crack skulls, useful in opening doors and windows.

Cons: Very short range, very blunt.

Decision: You can carry it with you, but not as a primary weapon.

Trench Spike

Created during the first World War to combine the benefits of punching someone in the face with a fistful of brass and stabbing their brain through the helmet, the Trench Spike or Knuckle Duster Knife seems crafted for zombie killing.

Pros: Heavy spike for braining won’t snag, knuckles can punch through skull when it’s down and dirty.

Cons: Extremely short range.

Decision: Having this makes you awesome.

Handgun

Luckily in the land of film, handguns hold about 40 rounds of ammunition and anyone can pick one up and hit zombies at 20 yards.

Pros: Light, relatively high ammo capacity, effective brain destroyer.

Cons: Short range, ammunition concerns, can be difficult for beginners.

Decision: When it comes down to it, you want one. Preferably a high capacity semi-automatic.

Rifle

If you know how to use it, you can reach out and touch someone at distance or bring down a tasty uninfected animal for dinner.

Pros: Long range, very high power, excellent brain destroying properties.

Cons: Unwieldly at close range, takes some skill to handle, longer reload times, varied ammunition capacity.

Decision: Always worth having, though unless you know how to use it, it may not be your saving grace.

Shotgun

Pretty much the be all, end all in any conversation, when you show up to the party with one of these power houses, people, zombies, and crackheads know you mean business.

Pros: Pretty easy to use, easier to hit targets, very powerful.

Cons: Low ammo capacity, longer reload times, powerful kick.

Decision: Essential to surviving any zombie outbreak.

Final Thoughts

When it comes time to survive the Zompocalypse, take what you can get. If you have a chance at it, the shotgun is almost always your best choice, with a handgun as a backup. Just about anything, swung with enough force, can smash a head. From shovels to baseball bats, just swing for the fences. If you’re a sword collector, you may be in luck as it never needs reloaded, though its ability to cleanly cut deep enough to destroy the brain is questionable and temporary as the blade dulls.

Be safe, friends

What’s your top choice for zombie slaying?

Robert Fure is FSR’s resident expert in all things style — from movie fashion to tools of the trade to stylish ways to get sloppy drunk, your Movie Style Guy is here to serve up the styles that matter. For more, check out the Movie Style Guy archive. This Week’s header image courtesy of ZombieTools.net


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