Movie Style Guy: Throw a Sexy Party

oldscho0lparty.jpgNow I normally attempt to tie in these columns to popular releases coming up, but this week has about jack and shit coming out that would make for an interesting column, so instead we’re staying home and throwing a sexy party! If you’d rather dye your hair blonde in homage to Fool’s Gold you’ll have to find someone else to tell you how.

Now the key to a successful party is planning. You can’t just rush into these things willy nilly or you’ll end up holding the dip at your empty casa. But thinking ahead and seeing that this weekend was lame for movies, we decided to have a sexy party well in advance. About 8 or 9 days at the high end of the spectrum and at least a minimum of 3 days for maximum effect.

We also have to take the time to pick a theme. Oh yes, friends, the only thing that makes a good party better is a theme. You could make it a true sexy party, or an underwear party, or a few from my past soirées, a BadAss Party (everyone dresses like a Badass) or a Hollywood Party (dress like you’re going to a pretentious Hollywood party). Now those were good times. So theme it up!

You also have to make the decision, hand in hand with theme, as to what kind of party will it be. Is it going to be a wine sipping party? Champagne and cheese while discussing politics? Beer chugs and pong while exposing your genitals? These are all fine parties, so pick the one you and your guests will enjoy most. Each one comes with its own preparations, from purchasing the right complimentary snacks or prepping a beer pong table. I prefer the simplest rendering of the rules of beer pong, that is 10 cups, no blow, no bounce, make ’em both get ’em back. You should establish a set of house rules before playing.

Now that we’ve picked our theme and type of party, send out the information to your guest list. Invite, really, only the people you want to show up, but make sure the list is pretty deep. Turn outs can range from 50% to 150%, as some guests will bring friends. Awesome. If you have any considerate friends, they may ask if they should bring something. Either more booze or a small monetary donation should suffice.

vodka01.jpgThe booze is the most important part. Coordinate it with your party type, but since most of us here at FSR like to get dirty drunk, we avoid wine tasting parties. A keg is always a good investment, as one of those holds something like 120 cups of beer, which is a good start. On top of that, you’ll want some mixers (OJ, Diet Coke, Sprite, et al) and some liquor, your basics will do: Vodka, Dark Rum, Whiskey, and Gin. I was always partial to making a big container of mixed drink, my own secret recipe was called Death Juice, and it killed 11 people in 3 years from how good it was. Make your own mixture or fall back on something like jungle juice.

Snack wise, keep it simple. This is a drinking party, not a pot luck. Chips, carrots, dip. End of story, really. Unless you’re combining this party on the tail end of a BBQ, you won’t need to invest in food much. Although BBQ parties are sweet ass. Aim for lower guests and have them bring some food stuffs, and you’re all set.

Tell your guests to arrive at 9pm, expect them at 10pm, and shoo them off by 4am. Then go to sleep and leaving the cleaning til tomorrow, but congratulate yourself on a party well thrown.

So when the box office is slumping, don’t throw your money away and waste your time. Throw a movie party! Or a sexy party! Or if no one shows up drink yourself to sleep. But just because the movies are dull, doesn’t mean your weekend has to be. I’m your Movie Style Guy and I’m out of here. Party On, people. Party on.

Robert Fure is many things: horror expert, ruggedly handsome man of the world, witty prose composer, and writer of his own biography page. Beneath the bravado is a scared little boy, ready to grow into an awesome man and make lies about a scared little boy inside of him. Wait a minute...

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