At first I considered giving you hints on how to boobytrap your own home (the research when painfully wrong).  Then I thought about giving you the full lowdown on protective gear and wearing lots of black and being intimidating (a phone call from the FBI halted that).  I also considered telling you the best guns to blow someones head off (my lawyer killed that).  So basically my only choice was to right about Frost/Nixon and old suits or just talk about my third favorite thing (after boobytraps and guns) – alcohol.

After the death of his family at the hands of criminals, Frank Castle became The Punisher and dedicated his life to handing out justice via firepower to bad guys everywhere.  That kind of pain and hatred can drive a man to drink – though as The Punisher Castle avoids the juice to keep his mind sharp.  But that doesn’t mean you have to suffer (unless you’re a criminal).

Beer Bomber

1.5oz 100 proof Vodka
6oz Lager Beer

Pour the vodka into a glass, pour the beer over top and drink.  Some will add a drop or three of Tabasco sauce to this drink, but that’s not necessary.  You may be thinking this is gross and you’d be wrong.  It basically just tastes like beer but kicks like .45 ACP.

Wild Turkey

750ml of Wild Turkey

Get the shit kicked out of you.  Drink as much Wild Turkey bourbon as you can before passing out.  This drink is inspired by 2004’s The Punisher.

The Manhattan

2oz Rye whiskey
1/2oz sweet Vermouth
2-3 drops Angostura Bitters

Combine the liquid ingredients and shake or stir over ice until mixed and chilled.  Pour into a cocktail glass, garnish with a cherry, and enjoy.

Long Beach Iced Tea

1oz Vodka
1oz Tequila
1oz light Rum
1oz Gin
1oz Triple Sec
Splash of Cranberry Juice

While it may seem like a sissy drink, this one is basically 5oz of pure alcohol.  I went with a Long Beach version, which is red rather than brownish, to take it a step towards bloody manliness.  While you not feel all that manly while sipping this red drink, pretty soon you won’t be feeling anything at all.

So there we have it, a couple of fairly strong drinks for you to enjoy before, after, or during this weekends Punisher: War Zone.  If the movie is awesome, you’ll be cheering your drunk ass off.  If it sucks, you’ll pass out in your seat.  But remember, if you’re going to drink, don’t drive – because DUI is against the law and you know the Punisher does to lawbreakers.

What’s your favorite strong drink?

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