Movie Style Guy: Body by Rambo

Now, as your Movie Style Guy, I try to keep my articles relevant to movies that are coming out within a week or so of my column. Clearly, with releases like Rambo and Meet the Spartans, I’ve got my work cut out for me in picking out some relevant style features for you.

Now, a “body by” article is something I considered back in the days of 300, but hey, those abs were impeccable and none of us were going to work for them. Stallone has another example of a nearly unattainable body, but with some hard work and good diet advice, you too can get ripped to the point of being able to take vengeance against Vietnam, win the Afghanistan War against the Soviets, and stop genocide. No doubt.

Now, I’m making an assumption that those of you reading this are either too thin or too fat to be Rambo, and we want to fix that. First up, the skinny guys.

Numero uno, you need to eat before the bodies hit the floor. An average male should eat about 3000 calories to start gaining muscle. You want to limit your cardio to 1-3 sessions per week, so you’ve got an excuse to stay off the treadmill. But, you need to be hitting the weights and hard. Three sets of 8-10 reps is what this doctor is ordering. And it shouldn’t be 10 easy reps. It should be 10 “Oh shit am I going to finish this” reps. Also, you need to up your protein intake. I’m going to make a blanket statement and say that if you’re on the thin side, you need to take in 185 grams of protein per day. You can get this from lean beef, chicken, tuna, eggs, or protein supplements like shakes and bars. To gain muscle mass, you need to simply follow these guidelines: FUEL (Calories), MATERIALS (Protein), and CHALLENGES (Heavy Resistance Training). That’ll put you on the road to vengeance in no time! Expect to gain about 1lb of muscle per week if you’re honestly working out in the gym and really pressing yourself.

Ok fatties – sorry. Those who are a bit heavier probably have a higher natural amount of muscle from carrying around the extra weight. I was definitely in this camp for a long time. I’ve cut down the weight a bit and changed the ol’ body, but could still lose a few. For us guys, we need to focus on maintaining or building muscle while losing body fat. To do this, we’re going to eat a very high protein diet while counting calories and working out hard. Food wise, your calorie count will depend on how much you weigh, but should never be below 1750 without doctor’s orders. I’m going to make another blanket statement and say that you should aim for between 1800 and 2200 calories per day. Most of these should come from proteins, such as shakes, chicken, bars, tuna, and lean meats. Limit your carbohydrates, especially after 6pm, but make sure to eat some good healthy Omega-3 fatty acids.

In the gym, you’re going to want to hit the weights in the rep range of 10-12, three sets, six exercises a day. Now, hit the weights first so you use up the bodies supply of glycogen. After this, hit the elliptical or treadmill for a good 25-30 minutes. Since you burned up your glycogen, the next bout of calorie expenditure will draw mostly from your fat stores, which is what we want.

Now, follow these admittedly very basic guidelines, and in the course of a month you can really make improvements to your body. Within 3 months, also known as a short 12 weeks, you can truly make a very obvious difference in your body that will allow you to kill without mercy and fight for the honor of your fallen comrades. Remember – lift heavy, lift often, eat protein. When you’re dedicated, losing fat and building muscle is still harder than breathing. But you can do it. Good luck, mother fuckers.

Robert Fure is many things: horror expert, ruggedly handsome man of the world, witty prose composer, and writer of his own biography page. Beneath the bravado is a scared little boy, ready to grow into an awesome man and make lies about a scared little boy inside of him. Wait a minute...

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