For Your Own Sanity (and the World’s), Leave Celebrities Alone

Boiling Point

I gripe a lot about the speed of the internet in transmitting information. It’s almost incorrect to use the word “information,” as I think about it. It’s the spread of thought, maybe. Information should be useful and perhaps true. Thought can be absolutely wrong and still be a thought.

From wrongful death notices to outright lies to painful gossip, word spreads across the internet at speeds that boggle the mind. It is this speed, coupled with twenty-four hour news channels and content hungry blogs that creates a massive demand for words, thoughts, or information. Add to that our innate desire to watch others fail, and we’re often faced with a ton of shit we shouldn’t care about.

I, for one, have had enough of hearing about celebrities and all the sad shit going on in their lives.

Kristen Stewart and former beaux Robert Pattinson were plastered all over the news for the last few weeks after some sneaky photographers snagged pictures of the Twilight actress getting some tongue action on with the director of her film Snow White and The Huntsman. 

Reporting this is one thing for tabloids, but the sad fact is they’re still blathering about it to this day. I get that celebrities are interesting. We see them on the big screen, doing amazing stuff, but that’s their job. They’re pretending to be other things. Finding out an actor isn’t as cool as one of the characters he played, or finding out he’s the complete opposite of one, sucks. I’d rather just go on living in my fantasy world, thanks.

I’d be lying if I said I didn’t sometimes enjoy reading a little bit of gossip, but things have gotten out of hand. K-Stew cheated on R-Patts? Okay. Moving on. But we don’t. Someone is there to poke and to prod and to search until we stop caring. That cycle takes at least four weeks with a major celebrity.

Mel Gibson is another example – the dude has clearly had some troubles over the last few years. He battled alcohol and then his mouth, then writers and an ex-wife and an ex-girlfriend and who the fuck cares? You know who looks bad under a spotlight? Everyone.

Really, just think of your own life. Would you want someone always lurking nearby ready to take a picture? What would your friends think of you if someone was recording your telephone calls with the idea of airing them for all to hear? We’re so quick to judgement that we snap up any and all nasty tidbits without thinking of why we’re hearing this and maybe not all the stuff that came before it to incite it.

There is an entire industry out there that is centered solely on getting deep in the celebrity asshole and pulling out their dirtiest shit. If you can’t find it, you make it up. How many times has Angelina been pregnant, according to the magazines? Who hasn’t cheated on who? Who cheated when?

Celebrities are a lot like us, but richer and generally slightly more fucked up. I’m pretty sure I’d gladly trade my bank account for Brad Pitt’s in exchange for the lifestyle too, but I’m sure I’d be pissed at the invasion of my privacy.

No one really deserves to have the lens of a camera shoved into their daily life and, much like people deserve a chance to move on from past mistakes, celebrities shouldn’t have their personal lives turned into tabloid entertainment. Now, if you’re some asshole reality star, that’s different, since your entire meaningless, vapid existence is your job and your life.

I just don’t give a fuck about celebrities, I guess. I have actors and actresses I like. I know very few of them. I’m not trying to defend anyone in particular, nor am I saying that they’re necessarily good people. What I’m trying to say is having shit I don’t care about thrust into my face is bothersome and annoying and pushes me past my boiling point.

Why is it when I click into the “Movies, “TV,” or “Entertainment” news sections I find out who kissed who or what celebrity recently had a ham sandwich? Is this necessary? Is this news? Is this worth our time? No, no, and hell no.

There are certain things that are inherently newsworthy. Killing someone. Raping someone. Saving a baby from a fire. Tackling a criminal. If a celebrity does that, then it’s news, just like it is if Joe Schmoe (not to be confused with JoBlo) does it. But is cheating on your wife a big deal? Not in the news world. You could argue that a political figure cheating on his wife, or taxes, is big news, since they likely have some sort of stance on that and as a servant of the people should be held to a higher standard. But if your claim to fame is jump kicking dudes and doing air splits, does it matter if you’ve been married four times? Not to me.

Some celebrities are cool people and will never get their shit blasted out on the news. Some celebrities are assholes and might. What do they both have in common? I really don’t give a fuck. I don’t give a fuck that Mel Gibson gets all fired up and yells at people. I don’t give a fuck that Wesley Snipes didn’t pay his taxes. I don’t give a fuck about Kristen Stewart, period. What I do care about, apparently, is all the fucking attention we give it. Let’s move on. Let’s give celebrities a break – not necessarily for their sake, but for ours. Let’s not get tied up in the meaningless bullshit of someone else’s life when we should be tied up in the meaningful bullshit of our own.

Simply put? I’m tired of being blasted with shit I don’t care about regarding people I don’t know. If it’s news, it’s news. If it’s not, leave it to the grocery store funny papers and let’s not waste any time on it.

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Robert Fure is many things: horror expert, ruggedly handsome man of the world, witty prose composer, and writer of his own biography page. Beneath the bravado is a scared little boy, ready to grow into an awesome man and make lies about a scared little boy inside of him. Wait a minute...

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