Jurassic Park

While it’s easy enough to knock films that get a post-production 3D-conversion (err, sorry, G.I. Joe: Retaliation), this week’s Jurassic Park 3D is a true exception to the rule. The difference? Well, starting out with a solidly entertaining crowd-pleaser from Steven Spielberg sure doesn’t hurt. Turns out, Jurassic Park in 3D is still one hell of a ride, and that extra dimension is exactly what it should be – a nice bonus, but not essential to audience enjoyment.

Are you ready to journey back to Isla Nubar, now with bonus raptor-popping? You should be.

After the break, we eschew the standard review format to talk about Jurassic Park 3D (because, well, this movie came out twenty years ago) and give you eleven big reasons why you should shell out your hard-earned movie-going dollars to see the movie this weekend. Really, spare no expense on this one. Take the kids. Find the most giant screen you can. Get the big popcorn, too – all the better to jump out of your hands when a huge raptor leaps from the screen right into your face.

1. That first look at the dinosaurs of Jurassic Park? Yeah, it’s still breathtaking. 

Remember how mesmerized you were when Dr. Alan Grant (Sam Neill) and Dr. Ellie Satler (Laura Dern) finally realized what the hell that cane-toting nutbag (Richard Attenborough) was going on about? The majesty of those strolling beasts? That heartstopping moment when you thought, Hell, maybe they’ve really done it? It’s unbelievably stirring in remastered 3D.

Paired with John Williams’ score, and you’d be hard pressed to find a more gasp-inducing scene in current cinema.

2. The egg-cracking raptor birth is even more emotionally stirring.

Perhaps it’s because we now observe those tiny little velociraptors breaking free from their eggy mini homes with the full knowledge of what they’ll do next, but damn if those raptor babies aren’t cuter than ever.

3. Jeff Goldblum’s hair is, somehow, even more breathtaking than our first look at the park’s dinos. 

It speaks for itself. (And just prepare yourself for that bare-chested scene.)

4. Watching the kids marvel at the “interactive CD-ROMs” and “electric cars” that populate the park’s cutting edge technology is hilarious.

And let’s not even talk about Dennis Nedry’s (Wayne Knight) finger-flying computer programming. Yet still better? The fact that Ariana Richards’ awkward Lex Murphy isn’t just a goofball teenager – she’s a bonafide hacker. Now that’s forward thinking.

5. Sick triceratops looks awesome.

She looked good then and she looks great now.

6. It’s time we all appreciated Samuel L. Jackson’s…cigarette.

Sure, no one should smoke. Sure, Jackson’s Ray Arnold was one of the actor’s first high profile roles. Sure, he totally bites it. But what’s really worth observing here is Ray’s damn cigarette, constantly on the verge of falling out of the actor’s mouth, omnipresent, practically its own character. Give that thing a spin-off.

7. You thought the classic T. Rex roar was loud in the original? In Jurassic Park 3D, it is deafening.

Seriously, T. Rex, what is up with your anger issues?

8. The stomp-induced jiggling puddle footprint will give you nightmares.

You may know what’s coming, and yet…

9. It’s fun to reminiscence about a time when we thought that the Brachiosaurus species liked to rear up on its back legs for a snack.

Turns out, they don’t. Also, they’re better known as “Giraffatitans” these days. Times change (apparently) but Jurassic Park doesn’t.

10. Sure, the Raptors Gone Wild sequence is fun in the safety of your own home, but when was the last time you saw it with a crowd?

Will you be the one to scream out like a child when that one go-getter jumps into the ceiling to get at Lex? Trick question – everyone will scream out like a child when that one go-getter jumps into the ceiling to get at Lex.

11. It just looks bigger, better, bolder, and more fun on the big screen.

Who cares about the 3D? That’s a bonus. They could have just re-released Jurassic Park in theaters and it would have been a true cinematic treat. The 3D is the icing on top of the pile of desserts you get after being thrown from an electrified fence.


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