Boiling Point

San Diego Comic-Con, the Western Hemisphere’s nerd mecca, is rapidly approaching and with it will undoubtedly flow the inane, poorly thought out, and overused “anti-Comic-Con” rhetoric we’ve come to expect and loathe.

While my objects will almost assuredly have little to no impact on the flux of lazily written articles, I want to slam my Gandalf staff down and attempt to prevent the Balrog of Boring Comic-Con commentary from passing.

Comic-Con, bloated and sometimes misdirected as it may be, is a fun time, and the following arguments just don’t float any more:

Any Reference to Girls at Comic-Con Being Rare

Way back in the Year of His Noodliness 2010, Seth Rogen and Evan Goldberg wrote perhaps the most uninspired and lamest San Diego Comic-Con article of all time, in which they suggested that men shouldn’t use the ladies restroom since “there’s chicks at Comic Con now!” That’s the kind of joke someone who has never been to Comic-Con would make.

Nerd culture, and comics particularly, have been mainstream for the better part of a decade now and females make up a large portion of the fanbase that attends Comic-Con. So guys, before you make your “Girls at Comic Con” jokes – don’t.

Comic-Con Doesn’t Actually Smell Bad

Any large gathering of people in a hot, Southern climate that involves a lot of walking is going to generate some sweat and some stink – but not to the vomit inducing levels that lazy writers would have you believe. If we were to accept their descriptions as true, the average Con goer would be an overweight, greasy male, who hasn’t showered in days, rather than the people that shell out hundreds of dollars a night to attend an event and mingle with like-minded individuals.

Seriously, when you invest that much money into something, you don’t show up in pizza stained sweat pants. Of course someone is going to stink, but no more so than your odds of bumping into a stinky dude at the grocery store. Only difference is this one might be Batman.

But Where Are the Comics?!

This is a hard one for me to shoot down, as an avid comic book reader from a very young age. I love comics and everything about them and all the characters contained within. However, let’s be honest – if San Diego Comic-Con was really just a giant comic book convention, none of us would be going. Those of us who are writing about SDCC in a professional manner are, for the majority, entertainment writers. We’re not covering comic books. We’re covering movies and other models of entertainment. The very reason why San Diego Comic-Con has been able to grow so much is other industries, namely film and television, becoming such a large part of it.

Now, there are definitely some things that shouldn’t be at Con and we can all mock those – a show like Supernatural is definitely welcome, while a movie like Salt really doesn’t have a place there. Feel free to complain about how much bullshit it is that whatever stupid non-geek related show you hate is there. That’s fine.

Why Are There So Many People Here?

One of my fondest memories of Con was one of my earliest – the first year I ever went I was shooting video. While stuck trying to navigate an undulating yet impermeable wall of people, the camera man asked if he should get more crowd shots, to which I snapped: “I don’t need any more fucking crowd shots! I have enough fucking crowd shots!”

Which is to say, San Diego Comic-Con is crowded. More than 125,000 people will visit the floor this year. It’s one of the biggest conventions of its kind in the world – of course there are a lot of people there. And there have been – for at least six solid years. So – we get it. Con is crowded. Deal with it. Similarly, lots of people mean long lines. Again – we know. Deal with it.

Misrepresenting The Average Con Goer

Before picturing “the average Comic-Con attendee” just go look in the mirror. That’s him/her. Everyone from nuclear families to fat loners to grandparents to super studs like myself.

Most Importantly: If You’re Not Going to have Fun, Don’t Go

I really can’t comprehend the number of people who write articles about what is/was wrong with Comic-Con. There are many repeat offenders who go every year and every year issue the same complaints. The very fact that everyone is going to Comic-Con is the exact reason why you no longer have to – there are no Comic-Con exclusives. When a room of 6,500 smart phone users are shown something new and interesting it becomes old and everywhere sixteen minutes later. If you’re going to be an ass, be an ass at home.

With San Diego Comic-Con just three weeks away, I wanted to cut everyone off and remind you: We Know. We’ve heard all the lame jokes again and again. We don’t need it once more this year. Comic-Con should be a celebration of popular culture, not just another time to crack jokes at “nerds,” who are, by now, the majority of the world. So unless you’ve got something new to say, we’ve heard it all before, and we’re past our boiling point. And I just saved you the trouble of writing an uninspired article, so let’s just keep on movin’ on.

With That Free Time Spared, Read More Boiling Point

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