Great movies come from all around the world, and so do great DVDs and Blu-rays. Import This! is an irregular feature here at FSR that highlights discs and/or movies unavailable in the US that are worth seeking out for fans of fantastic cinema.

Okay, so this week’s recommended import isn’t exactly a great film. Or even a very good film. But damnit, it’s a fun film. It’s also the perfect movie to dedicate to two of my female friends who told me recently that I write about “Asian porn” too much. Hi Jane, hi Megan! This is for you!

Strippers lead fairly boring lives. At least that’s what we’re led to believe here as five exotic dancers spend their downtime between stage appearances sitting in a small dressing room bored out of their Japanese skulls. A sexy spat between two of them leads to the discovery of a secret passageway in their wall… which in turn leads to the Book of the Dead! One of the literate strippers reads from the book, and soon Japan’s dead are rising from their graves to consume human sushi. Good thing Asian strippers are trained in martial arts and equipped with swords, chainsaws, and battle axes for just such an emergency…

Big Tits Zombie 3D
Country of origin: Japan
DVD Label: Terracotta Distribution/UK
DVD Region: 2 (but it’s actually region-free)

Let’s dispense with this 3D business right away. If you ever wondered what a pair of 34DD’s would look like in shitty 3D the answer is shitty. The film itself is obviously not shot in 3D, but on the bright side it’s also not post-converted. Hurray for small victories! We all know how bad those films look right? Well the makers of this little zombie flick decided to forgo both of those choices and jump straight ahead backward to old reliable. That’s right… the red and blue paper glasses are back! But don’t get too excited. Only certain parts of the movie are presented in 3D, an alert appears in the corner of the screen letting you know when to put the glasses on, but good gravy these are some bad 3D effects. Thankfully the DVD includes a 2D version as well.

As for the movie itself, you already know if this is for you. Horror comedy, naked Asian girls, flame spewing bajangos… Big Tits Zombie has all of that and more. Of course, the comedy isn’t always funny and there aren’t nearly enough scenes featuring nude Asian ladies. It takes a full twenty-four minutes for the first title characters to arrive! And no, I’m not talking about the zombies. That’s pretty unforgivable and should be enough to have me denounce the entire thing…

Except Sola Aoi is so goddamn adorable. Seriously. Clothes on or off, she’s little bundle of joy and energy. Like a sexy baby if that was the kind of thing a person could say without being shunned and beat with a stick. Her bountiful talents only pop out twice (and I mean that literally as it’s accompanied by a “boing” noise), but she more than makes up for it by looking great, exuding a playful personality, and showing a fair amount of comedic timing and delivery. Not bad for a still active AV star. She spends part of the film in a tight two-piece modeled after Bruce Lee’s yellow and black track suit from Game Of Death which only adds to the awesome.

That outfit is part of the film’s confused identity though. The movie opens with film scratches and stuttering to give it a faux-grindhouse feel… followed quickly with a quote from Sergio Leone. Of course. That’s all quickly forgotten though once the movie proper starts and the goofy horror comedy commences. Aoi earns some chuckles with dialogue and facial expressions/reaction shots, and visual gags with midget Yakuza and the undead pile up like dollar bills in a strip club. The effects run the gamut of okay to awful especially when the CGI blood appears, but for every disembodied head with visible fishing line holding it afloat there’s a teeth-lined vagina that shoots flames… so I’m not complaining.

Big Tits Zombie is exactly what it sets out to be, nothing more or less. It’s a solid showcase for Aoi’s tamer skills, there are some fun bits of enjoyable cheese, some gore, and just an overall sense that everyone involved is having a good time. And don’t forget, if you love metaphorical sexy babies you’ll definitely want to import this!

DVD: The DVD from Terracotta Distribution is labeled as a region 2 release, but for some reason it actually appears to be region-free. It’s playable in any US DVD player. The disc features both 2D and 3D versions of the film, but as discussed above the 3D is both very sparse and very, very bad. Two pairs of old-school 3D glasses are included. Additional extras are limited to a trailer and a subtitled making-of featuring behind the scenes footage and interviews with cast and crew.

– Buy Big Tits Zombie 3D on DVD from AmazonUK


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