While we may have giggled (quite heartily, in fact) at Saturday Night Live’s recent Girls parody, we’re still excited about what the third season holds for creator and star Lena Dunham’s love life, co-star Zosia Mamet’s folliclely dazzling mane, sidekick Allison Williams’ surprisingly stirring Kanye West impersonation, and whatever the hell it is that unique snowflake Jemima Kirke will fuck up next. Though we won’t get any new Girls until next year, HBO has shared a very quick thirty-second “in production tease” that we will now break down for maximum speculation.
When we last left our Girls girls, Hannah (Dunham) had pulled back in ex Adam (Adam Driver) with a deadly sexy combination of being just really pathetic and even more lonely, Shoshanna (Mamet) had finally cut ties with her sinking ship of a coffee shop manager boyfriend Ray (Alex Karpovsky), Marnie and her newly-reunited internet upstart boyfriend Charlie (Christopher Abbott) seemed poised for romantic greatness, and Jessa (Kirke) had run off after ditching her dumb bunny husband and crying in a bathtub.
While I wasn’t wild about the second season finale, it did set up some interesting moving pieces – what would happen with Hannah and Adam? Would we see Hannah’s OCD again? Would Jessa come back? Was Ray going to be okay? – and the surprise departure of Abbott before filming began seemed to throw a real wrench into whatever insanity Marnie and Charlie were going to embark on. So what’s next for the be-denimed crew? Let’s guess.
1. Jesse Peretz and Richard Shepard are both back to direct. We can confirm this from various clapperboards. Confirmed! No speculation here.
2. Adam Driver is definitely there – and he’ll definitely be sporting some facial hair. Here’s hoping this is some sort of revenge beard Adam grows out after Hannah dumps him yet again. Not confirmed.
3. Allison Williams’ hair has grown long enough that, when Marnie swans about, she leaves a sea of tangled locks in her wake. All the better to trap a new man after the departure of dear, sweet Charlie. Not confirmed, but assumed.
4. Elijah is back! ELIJAH IS BACK! At the very least, the third season of Girls will feature some of those very-missed Elijah quips and all that horrifying chemistry he has with Hannah. We’ll call it now – Elijah is moving back in. Not confirmed, but dearly hoped for.
5. Alex Karpovsky is still hanging around, so that means Ray is still hanging around. We predict he’ll be wildly successful now, a la Charlie, and Shosh will come running back (he can finally afford to buy her purses shaped like puff pastry!) and get brutally rebuffed. Pure speculation.
6. Someone is going to the ocean. How many ocean-y Instagrams does one thirty-second video need? Enough to let us know that someone is going to the ocean. Confirmed.
7. A celebration of some sort will take place – look how happy Hannah, Elijah, and Shosh are with that bottle of champagne – and we think that sort of emotion could only be stirred by the return of one highly accessorized lady. Jessa! Not confirmed.
8. Oh, wait. No. It seems as if…Adam has done something to celebrate? He must have finally sold his canoe! Fervently wished for.
9. Look. Everyone is at the ocean. The ocean will definitely play a big part this season. Confirmed.
10. Shosh has toned down her hairstyles. It looks as if she’s sporting just one big side bun. We need more. Strong emotional status as it applies to Zosia Mamet’s hairstyle – very confirmed.
11. We were so wrong. There’s some sort of bang situation now. And yet, it all seems over-the-top, even for Shosh. We’re thinking costume party. This season of Girls will have a costume party. Please let this happen.
12. Oh, the ocean. Jessa. Everyone is at the ocean and Jessa is back. Confirmed and confirmed.
The third season of Girls will debut on HBO sometime next year.