A wise man once said “It’s not just about seeing Star Wars two weeks before everyone else. You’ve gotta plow through crap like Marie Antoinette and Catwoman as well.” I have the fortune of being able to see all of the films that I want, and find out that they are only worth one viewing (or less) before I would willingly pay for the DVD…and subsequently end up hating myself later. But for every The Whoopee Boys there has to be an Indiana Jones, and because of the great films I am able to put myself further in debt every week.
The Next Avengers: Heroes of Tomorrow
Director: Jay Oliva
Synopsis: Iron Man and the Avenger babies.
Why Buy It?: I think by now, most of the readers of this column have figured out that I am a huge comic book fanboy, and i will buy almost anything of moderate quality. I really do like this one though. Yes, it does feature the children of The Avengers. Yes, that is corny. But in the words of the great Ryan Reynolds, “maybe corny is exactly what this country needs.” I digress. This is just a fun original idea which you can liken to the old days of the ‘what if’ comics.
Transformers – Blu-Ray
Director: Michael Bay
Cast: Shia LaBeouf, Megan Fox, Josh Duhamel, Tyrese Gibson, Rachael Taylor, John Voight, Anthony Anderson, John Turturro
Rated: Rated PG-13 for intense sequences of sci-fi action violence, brief sexual humor, and language.
Synopsis: Giant f*cking robots…on Blu-Ray
Why Buy It?: Giant fucking robots, check. A sexually charged Megan Fox, check. Nonsensical explosions and action, check. All of the above on Blu-Ray now, check! Just to clear things up, I didn’t call Megan Fox asexual…unless buy asexual, you mean a sexual dynamo. In that case yes. I just can not stay on topic today. Ummm, Blu-Ray Transformers. I shouldn’t really have to explain, because this one is more than meets the…I’m not that corny.
The Office: Season 4
Cast: Steve Carell, Rainn Wilson, John Krasinski, Jenna Fischer
Synopsis: British comedy, The Office, meets America.
Why Buy It?: While I did not totally buy into this show at first, mostly because I was a huge fan of the British series, I quickly warmed up to Carell and his cohorts. Season Four is nothing short of awesome. With a host of hilarious episodes, my favorite would have to be the episode that the office starts a marathon to help raise money and awareness for one of the world’s scariest diseases…rabies.
Director: Steve Conrad
Cast: Seann William Scott, John C. Reilly, Jenna Fischer,
Rated: Rated R for language including sexual references, and some drug use.
Synopsis: Think Employee of The Month, with a good script.
Why Rent It?: Some people who attended the SXSW film festival had a shance to see this film premier. I was one of these people. Some people I know, can point out that it was at this premier that I developed a keen dislike for the actor formally known as Stifler. I did think some things about this film were funny, which makes it worth seeing…however there were some very strange things. Like why did John C. Reilly’s character have to come from Canada? No explanation. Also, his wife (played by Lilly Taylor) is inexplicably Scottish. Taylor’s accent will make your ears bleed…let me know if you think the same down below.
Itty Bitty Titty Committee
Director: Jamie Babbit
Cast: Melonie Diaz, Nicole Vicius
Synopsis: The title says alot…but basically it’s a hip Lesbian coming of age story.
Why Rent It?: I don’t know many ways that I can write about this film without sounding sexist, but you can’t hit home-runs without swinging. First off, I was a big fan of Babbit’s But I’m A Cheerleader. She took the subject of sexuality and homosexuality, and turned it around with a sharply humorous and sarcastic tone. Itty Bitty, not so much. This is more of a coming of age story that pretty much covers a young lesbian couple. While most guys will think this is a porn, or watch it just to see some girls making out…which you will see…this is probably not for you. However, good music and a good performance from the rising star of Melonie Diaz makes this one worth a peek.
The Big Bang Theory: Season 1
Synopsis: Two guys have a really hot neighbor, and figure out how God’s sense of humor sucks.
Why Rent It?: I never had a big, or even mild, interest in this one. However, I have heard really good things. Kelly Cuoco has her hot moments, and the show looks funny. Even though the show only sells for like $20 or so, I still won’t be running out to buy it. I will watching it at the minimal rental price though.
Director: C.B. Harding
Cast: Bill Engvall, Billy Ray Cyrus
Rated: Rated PG for some language and rude humor.
Synopsis: A Kentucky Fried Aneurysm waiting to happen.
Why Avoid It?: Seriously, I know who watches this type of stuff…and I am not going to complain. I just want to hope for something in the future. Join my cause folks. I hope that one day…these “blue collar” comics’ films stop making money, and they will be forced to produce a good film. Go big guys…put your millions together and hire the Coen brothers to write your script, and lure Oliver Stone in to direct. I know this is just a pipe dream but just picture a revolutionary war story with that type of writing and directorial talent.
The Genius Club
Director: Timothy A. Chey
Cast: Stephen Baldwin, Tricia Helfer, Tom Sizemore
Rated: Rated PG for thematic elements and some disturbing content.
Synopsis: Geniuses are kidnapped and forced to solve the world’s problems.
Why Avoid It?: How does this sound for casting…one of the Baldwins not named Alec, Number Six from Battlestar Gallactica and Tom Sizemore. Ok, Sizemore isn’t that bad…but have you seen Tricia Helfer when she’s not in costume as Number Six? She’s pretty rough. The film lost some credibility for me as soon as Stephen Baldwin is mentioned as a genius. Has anyone seen this one though?
Then She Found Me
Director: Helen Hunt
Cast: Helen Hunt, Colin Firth, Bette Midler, Matthew Broderick
Rated: Rated R for language and some sexual content.
Synopsis: A confusing mess of things…directed by Helen Hunt.
Why Avoid It?: Have you ever seen the trailer for this one? It’s totally confusing. The trailer made me never ever want to see this in a million years. It doesn’t help that I have what you might call a hatred for a middle-aged Matthew Broderick. Hunt and Firth make it somewhat enticing, but all else fails with the mention of Bette Midler. My grandmother may like this alot…I will teach her how to use the computer and netflix it, and then point her to FSR to say “I told you so.”
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