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Rob Hunter loves movies.  He also loves working as Jack Burton’s favorite mechanic helping to keep the Pork Chop Express tuned to a 6.9 on the Richter scale.  These two joys come together in the form of cash money payments that he receives every week and immediately uses to buy more DVDs.  So join us each week as he takes a look at new DVD releases and gives his highly unqualified opinion as to which titles are worth BUYing, which are better off as RENTals, and which should be AVOIDed at all costs.

A quick (and fairly obvious) disclaimer:  The main purpose behind this column is to highlight the various new DVD releases each week.  The division of the titles into Buy, Rent, or Avoid categories is based on many things… the quality of the movie or show, the quality of the extra features, and the replay value of the content overall.  The common thread here is that all of these criteria are based on Hunter’s opinion.  If you agree, great.  If you disagree, great.  He’s just letting you know what was released, not what to do about it.

Click on any of the titles below to magically head over to Amazon.com and pick up the DVD.  And don’t forget to check out Neil Miller’s hilariously titled This Week In Blu-ray column for reviews on the latest high definition Blu-ray releases!

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dvd-bigtroubleinlittlechinaBig Trouble In Little China (Blu-ray)

Pitch: We really shook the pillars of Heaven, didn’t we Wang?

Why Buy? Miller writes the Blu-ray column, but once in a while a title gets released in the format that’s worth drawing double attention towards. This is one of John Carpenter’s best films (regardless of what Cole Abaius says) and it’s also his most unexpected. It’s very funny, extremely quotable, and filled with a kinetic mix of high-flying action and magical shenanigans. And just imagine how fine the very fine Suzee (A green-eyed Chinese girl!) Pai will look in HD!

Blu-ray? Yes, yes it is.

Extra Features? Commentary, deleted scenes, featurettes

dvd-machinegirlThe Machine Girl Remix

Pitch: Why yes, the new girl does have a machine gun protruding from between her ass cheeks…

Why Buy? Simply put this is a fun movie. Stupid and poorly acted perhaps, but also filled with splattery slapstick, gore, and extreme amounts of inappropriate behavior and images. If you haven’t already picked up a copy of the movie then this is the edition to get. It adds a psuedo-sequel in the form of a shorter film about a girl packing serious firepower in her white cotton underpants.

Blu-ray? No

Extra Features? None

dvd-section-rent

dvd-cheChe Parts One & Two: Argentine & Guerrilla

Pitch: Before he was a tshirt, he was a legend. Before he was a legend, he was a terrorist. Or a revolutionary. Or a dick.  (Tomato tomato really…)

Why Rent? Director Steven Soderbergh’s epic, two-part biopic starring Benicio Del Toro as the legendary Argentinian rebel is definitely worth watching. (Just not all in one siting…) Whether or not you agree with the politics the filmmaking and acting on display are first-rate.

Blu-ray? No

Extra Features? Featurettes

dvd-fragmentsFragments

Pitch: More of a fender-bender than a Crash

Why Rent? Of the many ensemble dramas trying to capture the mediocre magic that won an Oscar for Crash, this is probably the least shitty. High praise I know, but the film earns it. A solid and interesting cast along with the slow reveal of the mass shooting that binds them all together make for a pretty average movie.

Blu-ray? No

Extra Features? Commentary

dvd-gomorrahGomorrah

Pitch: Little Italian punks behaving badly… welcome to the 21st century mafia.

Why Rent? The filmmaking style is pretty plain and the acting is done mostly by amateurs, but the action is still riveting at times. Based on a book by an Italian journalist who to this day continues to live in hiding,  the action is fast, brutal, and utterly lacking in Hollywood-inspired gangster glamour.

Blu-ray? No

Extra Features? None

dvd-pittsburghThe Mysteries of Pittsburgh

Pitch: Why the hell anyone would willingly go there is #2 on the list of mysteries.

Why Rent? The movie is based on a novel by Michael Chabon, and while it never reaches the highs of Wonder Boys (seriously, go rent that movie if you haven’t seen it) it’s still a good story competently told with some great acting to hide the rough spots.

Blu-ray? Yes

Extra Features? Featurettes

dvd-witchmountainRace To Witch Mountain

Pitch: Is The Rock the new Eddie Albert? (Hint… no.)

Why Rent? The original Witch Mountain flicks don’t hold up as real quality filmmaking, but they still feel like old-school Disney in the best possible way. There’s a nostalgia factor for folks who remember Sunday nights and the Wonderful World of Disney (anyone recall The Glass Child?, but that’s pretty much it. Which is why no one should be offended by this passable remake starring Dwayne Johnson…

Blu-ray? Yes

Extra Features? Deleted scenes, outtakes

dvd-soloistThe Soloist

Pitch: Jamie Foxx goes partial retard and still didn’t win any awards!

Why Rent? Honestly, this is a borderline ‘Avoid’ due solely to Foxx’s mentally challenged performance. Not sure what it is but he annoys the hell out of me when he plays character “types” instead of actual characters. Luckily Robert Downey Jr.’s charisma is enough to make up for it.

Blu-ray? Yes

Extra Features? Commentary, deleted scenes, featurettes

dvd-wolfhoundWolfhound

Pitch: Think of it as a Russian Beastmaster and you won’t be far off…

Why Rent? Well, Beastmaster ruled obviously.

Blu-ray? No

Extra Features? None

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dvd-chaosexpThe Chaos Experiment

Pitch: Imagine an evil version of Al Gore… and yes, I do realize some folks may find that redundant.

Why Avoid? Val Kilmer continues to pay his monthly water bill one straight-to-DVD flick at a time, here as a disgruntled environmentalist upset at the inaction concerning global warming. How does he draw attention to the issue?  By locking six strangers in a steam room of course.  Some recognizable faces, overall silliness, and slow-motion boobies fill up the rest of the running time.

Blu-ray? No

Extra Features? None

dvd-demonwarriorsDemon Warriors

Pitch: Teenage suicide, don’t do it.  Unless you want really cool super-powers…

Why Avoid? Unruly teens kills themselves, gain supernatural abilities, and then go on a rampage.  The producers are sure to include a disclaimer that suicide is bad, but then go on to show how cool it could be… if only this Thai production had better effects and action to entice more of them along.

Blu-ray? No

Extra Features? None

dvd-hotbloodsundaeHot Blood Sundae

Pitch: Is it cold in here or are there nipples in my ice cream?

Why Avoid? I love ice cream. I love fine lady boobs. I don’t like this movie.

Blu-ray? No

Extra Features? None

dvd-laborpainsLabor Pains

Pitch: Lindsay Lohan made a movie that no studio would release.

Why Avoid? Let’s hear that pitch again… Lindsay Lohan made a movie that no studio would release.  It had to premiere on ABC Family channel instead. Do you really want to spend your hard-earned money to support this ginger travesty?

Blu-ray? Yes

Extra Features? Featurette

dvd-mutantchroniclesMutant Chronicles

Pitch: He’s not paid to believe. He’s paid to fuck shit up.

Why Avoid? That slight misquote above is actually the best thing about this movie. Poor CGI, horrible acting from folks who should know better, and some of the most boring stretches of nothing… the opening battle is nice I guess.

Blu-ray? Yes

Extra Features? Commentary, deleted scenes, featurettes

dvd-naturesgraveNature’s Grave

Pitch: That’s not a mediocre remake. This is a mediocre remake!

Why Avoid? It’s a terrible DVD cover with an only slightly better movie within. Director Jamie Blanks has created a very faithful remake of the 1978 Australian thriller The Long Weekend, so if you want to watch a movie about a horribly annoying and constantly bickering couple being besieged by nature why not stick with the original?

Blu-ray? No

Extra Features? None

dvd-obsessedObsessed

Pitch: Ali Larter likes her coffee black, like her Idris Elba.

Why Avoid? PG-13 sex comedies don’t work, and neither do PG-13 erotic thrillers. Bland, predictable, and not the least bit sexy.

Blu-ray? Yes

Extra Features? Featurettes

Click below for more:

DVD's I Bought This Week

What are you buying on DVD this week?


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