The Coroner's Report

When I saw the cover for Necrosis I was immediately on-board.  I saw a bunch of people who I thought were Civil War or Cowboy zombies, a dude with an old school shotgun, and the name “Tiffany” on the box.  Yes, “I think I’m alone now” Tiffany.  Unfortunately for me, those weren’t zombies, the Civil War was nowhere to be found, and that retro shotgun was wall mounted, not pried from hands of said cowboy zombies.

In Necrosis a group of friends head up into the Sierra Nevada mountains, not too far from where the Donner Party stumbled into a bit of trouble.  As is expected, a ‘heavy’ snowstorm settles in and strands the group.  About fifteen minutes later they start the descent into madness. Sort of.

Kills

There are five deaths we see in the  flick, a sixth if you count a pregnant lady as 2.  Though she’s not showing, so it’s not graphic.  There are two characters who just disappear and I guess die in the snow.  Or not.  The guy who’s hallucinating is the one who saw them.  So maybe they’re dead.  But maybe not.

Ills

There is some weak cannibalism, some off screen axe violence, a frozen body (or maybe three?) and some shotgun wounds.  Also a stabbing.

Lust

There is a hot tub scene and Penny Drake (Zombie Strippers) has a rocking body.  Later there is a dream sex sequence which features a surprising and fantastic pair of tits.

Learning

There’s nothing of value in this department.  I guess “trust the warnings of locals.”

Review

The first thing you notice about Necrosis is that all the audio sounds dubbed over.  Second is that all the acting is flat and gives cardboard depth.  Really, the film is just terrible on every level.  In technical terms, if you’ll allow me to go all FilmSchoolGraduate.com on you, there is no movement.  No motion to the camera.  Every shot is a medium master shot when more than one character is doing something.  This makes for extremely boring visuals.

The massive snowstorm that strands them on the mountain is a few real flurries and the occasional bit of CGI help, though by any standard, the snowstorm is barely precipitation.  The storm is handled poorly in such a way that you can’t help but wonder why no one just walked out and went home.  When a character comments on how bad it is out there and all we see is a slightly foggy morning, there’s nothing to do but shake your head.

On the gore and murder front, this might as well be an episode of ‘Sesame Street.’  There’s nothing here to upset even the most squeamish of viewers.  When the shotgun comes into play it’s just that – play.  A guy takes a full load to the heart area and is okay to talk for awhile.  Someone else is shot in the back, though once the pellets are removed he’s fine and dandy.  Your average viewer might not know this, but I recognize 00 buck shot when I see it.  When you get hit in the spinal area from 00 buck at that range, you don’t walk it off.  You never walk again.

This is a terribly boring film with flat performances, no gore, and zero charisma.  The only scene worth watching is the booby scene, but you can find better on the internet.  If I could, I’d pass on this movie twice.


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