The Coroner's Report

With a lack of great, or even good, horror coming down the mainstream pipeline at the moment, I’ve been digging through my backlog of independent titles. It’s hard being me, you see, because I rhyme all the time. But srsly folks, it’s hard to write the Coroner’s Report for films in theaters because I can’t take good notes in the dark, I’m too busy handling my junk to write. So most of this stuff is direct to DVD or titles I catch up on later. Then there is stuff like Infection: The Invasion Begins, a small independent sci-fi flick looking for some love.

Unfortunately, I won’t be the one providing the love.

Infection follows the denizens of a small town as they deal with a mysterious object that crashed to the ground from the sky.  The town is full of the regular types, the cute outcast, the returning rebel, and the weary Sheriff. All get tangled up when sperm like tape-worm aliens start wriggling around, trying to take over their brains.

Kills

I think maybe four or so people are definitively killed, though a few more might have died along the way.

Ills

Some of those sperm like worms stick out of mouths, but in terms of blood and gore you’ll be more upset by a Teletubbies episode.

Lust

There are two cute girls, but neither even does anything sexy.

Learning

In the future, people ride Segways indoors.

Review

I’m not going to take much time breaking this down for you because, quite simply, this is just a bad, boring movie. I hate to say it, but I’m not going to lie to you and pretend there is even a single reason for you to watch this.  The movie is, for some reason, bookended by parts that take place 60 years in the future, where it could have just taken place today. Moving past that, the acting is stale across the board, save for one nerdy character with 2 minutes of screen time. The editing and camera work is lazy and assembled poorly, creating a movie with almost no tension.

It appears as if the film was shot in only a handful of locations – anytime the people are outside, it looks like the same patch of road.  As I mentioned, the aliens are a cross between slow moving sperm and retarded tongue slugs. Half the time we see them they’re poorly done CGI beings and the other half they’re limp worm like bits of rubber.

In trying to emulate a 50s invasion the flick manages to hit all the wrong notes in terms of being boring and unengaging. At no time are the characters in any real danger from the slow moving infected people, and at no time did I give a shit about what I was watching.  Skip this.


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