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Coroner’s Report: Dead Snow

If you were to pitch a film to me based on just two words, you’d be hard pressed to find a better pair than “Nazi zombies.”  A few that come to mind are “Bloody tits” and “Sorority massacre” but Nazi zombies is definitely up there.  Who wouldn’t be psyched for a whole bunch of undead Nazis getting a little bit of the old smashy-stab to the brain?  It just so happens that those crazy fuckers in Norway had the same idea and brought us Dead Snow, an imperfect movie about a perfect idea, spattered with humor and intestines.

Kills

By the time the credits roll, my count had it figured at about nine human deaths and a bunch of zombies having a bad day.

Ills

The film takes some time before it spills the goods, but once it gets going it gives us some good stuff.  Eyes are gouged out, a head is ripped in half and the brain falls out, there are some stabbings and slashings and beatings and poundings.  There’s a chainsaw in action, some hammers, a shotgun, a snow-mobile, and sticks and knives.  There are tons of spilled intestines, a truly strange amount – there must have been a sale on or something.

Lust

A good looking girl in a poorly lit scene shows us some bra covered boobies and shortly there-after there is a sex scene.

Learning

Don’t mess with Nazi gold.

Review

This is a film that I really wanted to be good.  The premise alone sounds like a winner, but unfortunately over all the film is a bit of a disappointment.  The plot isn’t very deep, the actors aren’t all that good, and it takes at least 35 minutes before we really get some zombie action.  Even then, we have to wait, basically, another 30 minutes for the good stuff – which is pretty good.  There are some great kills (the head ripping in half) and some not so great ones, but there is definitely no shortage of blood later on.  The end is a bit rushed though and the Nazis have poorly defined goals and the teenagers have a poorly defined strategy of fighting the zombies.

There is a somewhat disturbing part where a totally hot babe has sex with a really fat guy who is just finishing up taking a huge shit.  This is played for like 15% laugh and 85% the only sex in the movie.  Despite all the spilled guts, it’s probably the most cringe inducing part of the flick.  Said fat guy is a bit too wink-wink with the audience as he spearheads lots of conversation about horror movies during the journey to the cabin in the middle of nowhere – you’d think he’d know better.

Dead Snow is a bit too dark during the night scenes and it’s hard to make much out in all the darkness.  This isn’t scary, rather it’s annoying that we can’t see undead Nazis prancing through the darkness.  The film is definitely low budget and the digital effects stick out like a sore thumb in parts – some digital blood, backdrops, etc.  Not great.  At the end of the day, Dead Snow is a great idea that doesn’t fire on all cylinders, but if the idea of Nazi Zombies appeals to you, it’s probably worth putting in your Netflix queue.

Robert Fure is many things: horror expert, ruggedly handsome man of the world, witty prose composer, and writer of his own biography page. Beneath the bravado is a scared little boy, ready to grow into an awesome man and make lies about a scared little boy inside of him. Wait a minute...

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