Is the Crappiness of Jumper Enough to Justify Hating Fox?

There are some questions in life that one puzzles over furiously. Who built Atlantis? Who framed Roger Rabbit? Who was the twenty-eighth President of the United States? They are mysterious that WILL NEVER BE ANSWERED. Today, we examine a tricky one by asking: are movie fans justified in hating Fox?

The question of course stems from the recent outrage at Fox’s legal bravado that (never really) could have stopped Watchmen from seeing the light of day. There’s a lot of ire floating to the surface that’s lain dormant since the last time Fox did something ridiculous or ruined a fanboy franchise.

In investigating this particular conundrum, I realized that instead of theories to develop, it would be much easier for you to give you pieces of evidence. So, like a private dick presenting you with photos of your girlfriend cheating on you, I give you Exhibits A through P and will let you decide.

27 DressesExhibit A: 27 Dresses
Budget: Unknown
Domestic Gross: $76.8 million
Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 41% (Rotten)

Exhibit B: Meet the Spartans
Budget: $30 million
Domestic Gross: $38.2 million
Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 2% (Rotten)

Exhibit C: Jumper
Budget: $85 million
Domestic Gross: $80.1 million
Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 16% (Rotten)

Exhibit D: Nim’s Island
Budget: $37 million
Domestic Gross: $48 million
Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 49% (Rotten)

Exhibit E: What Happens in Vegas
Budget: $35 million
Domestic Gross: $80.2 million
Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 27% (Rotten)

Exhibit F: Deception
Budget: $25 million
Domestic Gross: $4.5 million
Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 12% (Rotten)

The HappeningExhibit G: The Happening
Budget: $60 million
Domestic Gross: $64.5 million
Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 19% (Rotten)

Exhibit H: Meet Dave
Budget: $60 million
Domestic Gross: $11.8 million
Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 19% (Rotten)

Exhibit I: Space Chimps
Budget: $37 million
Domestic Gross: $30.1 million
Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 38% (Rotten)

Exhibit J: The X-Files: I Want to Believe
Budget: $30 million
Domestic Gross: $20.9 million
Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 32% (Rotten)

Exhibit K: Babylon A.D.
Budget: $60 million
Domestic Gross: $22.5 million
Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 7% (Rotten)

Exhibit L: City of Ember
Budget: $38 million
Domestic Gross: $7.8 million
Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 51% (Rotten)

Max PayneExhibit M: Max Payne
Budget: Unknown
Domestic Gross: $40.6 million
Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 18% (Rotten)

Exhibit N: Australia
Budget: $130 million
Domestic Gross: $47.7 million
Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 54% (Rotten)

Exhibit O: The Day the Earth Stood Still
Budget: $80 million
Domestic Gross: $77.3 million
Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 20% (Rotten)

Exhibit P: Marley and Me
Budget: Unknown
Domestic Gross: $123.7 million
Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 60% (Finally Fresh!)

My exhibits are, obviously, the 2008 Fox Release Slate in its entirety. These are the films that Fox set loose upon the public last year.

There’s a lot going on here to investigate. On one hand, they made quite a bit of money – at least enough here and there to deal with the massive bombs they had until cleaning up with Marley and Me. On the other hand, they didn’t really make too much on domestic sales alone, and there’s only one movie in the whole damned slate that got a Fresh RT Rating (and a lukewarm 60% at that.

Their output received an abysmal average of 29% when it came to RT Ratings, so it’s clear that the critics were not in Fox’s corner.

Perhaps the biggest crime committed against fanboys was the destruction of two beloved franchises: the unnecessary remake (that failed to break even) of The Day the Earth Stood Still and the unnecessary reboot sequel X-Files: I Want to Believe. It’s clear that these transgressions got fanboys ready for a fight against Fox. And Fox was willing to give them even more cannon-fodder with their 11th hour lawsuit against Warners for Watchmen rights.

I leave it up to you to play judge and jury in this mystery. Sure Fox is hitting below the average as far as critics are concerned, but is the anger and aggression felt toward the studio really warranted?


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