Surprise: Everyone on the Internet Wants You To Know How Bad ‘Liz & Dick’ Sucked

If you logged on to Twitter at all yesterday evening, you were likely bombarded with tweets about Liz & Dick, a Lifetime Original movie that sucked, not to be confused with Lez & Dick, a Showtime Late Night Skinflick. That totally doesn’t exist. As of now. But I’m writing it.

Hell, Lifetime was trending, as was the hashtag #lizanddick. What is less than surprising is how badly the film was received, but what has rustled my jimmies is the breadth of the coverage being devoted to it.

Is anyone surprised? Does anyone care? Or is this just another chance to ride the easy train?More than four years ago I spent a little time arguing against cheap shots, that is, those actors and films that everyone is allowed to make fun and thus does, to prove that they’re in fact capable of giving things negative reviews. At the time it felt as if everyone was riding high on the endorphins of love, giving most everything glowing reviews, so much so that they needed to find easy targets to ridicule to provide balance, whether those targets deserved it or not.

Today, I fear the pendulum has swung the other direction – we do not mock things to avert eyes from our praise, but rather we throw shit on the shit-trodden so we can all point and laugh. People, and by people I mean, you, and you, and you, the audience, are not as easily enthralled by positive reviews unless that’s what you’re looking to hear. Then it’s gravy. It is perhaps some twisted facet of human nature that bad things happening to other people gives us great joy. I know that I laugh my face off at people running full speed into hidden walls and other sorts of injurious activities.

I digress. Returning, to the subject at hand, it boggles the mind why so many are all over Liz and Dick and the dreadful performance Lindsay Lohan turned in. Well, no, it doesn’t. Lohan has been the poster child for screwing up the last few years, so everyone wants a glimpse of that madness.

But it’s unfair and quite stupid. This is a Lifetime Original movie. Even the best Lifetime Originals are not very good. There is a reason why most outlets do not cover Lifetime movies or direct-to-SyFy flicks from the likes of The Asylum: they’re just not good. It’s like making jokes at the expense of a special kid at recess. People might laugh, but you’re a dick and you’re picking on someone who doesn’t deserve it.

Movies like this serve a minor purpose and are often correctly judged on their merits compared to other like films. You don’t compare a high school baseball pitcher to someone in the pros; and you don’t compare a Lifetime movie to something opening on 2000 screens this weekend.

That said, plenty of outlets have taken to reviewing the film, hoping to spread a bit more doo-doo on Lohan to win favor with the hollering masses. MTV did the noble thing and collected many of the scathing reviews, that target everything from the acting, writing, and directing to Lohan’s lack of hips. Have at it, if you dare.

None of this is to actually defend the movie, or the actress, as anything worthwhile. No, this shit sucked and it sucked hard – but what did anyone expect?

A burnt out actress and a made for TV movie? People tuned in just to watch the cars pile up and they hash-tagged it as they did. Which is whatever. People gon’ do what people gon’ do. But what gave it some air of legitimacy, and thus made it irksome, was all of the “coverage” from big outlets and celebrities throwing their fuel on the fire while they can, before their secret addictions bring them tumbling down as well.

So what of it? Nothing, this is just a column about me being pissed off about stuff. I don’t watch Lifetime movies, I don’t care about Lindsay Lohan, and I certainly think everyone is entitled to watch, hate, love, and comment on whatever the fuck they feel like. But it’s just a little disheartening to see just how many people pile on someone when they’re done. Four years on and it looks like people are still taking cheap shots and that’s what has me pushed past my boiling point.

Get Even Angrier

Robert Fure is many things: horror expert, ruggedly handsome man of the world, witty prose composer, and writer of his own biography page. Beneath the bravado is a scared little boy, ready to grow into an awesome man and make lies about a scared little boy inside of him. Wait a minute...

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