Boiling Point: TV Guides Need to Learn About Spoiler Alerts

Boiling PointThis rant contains what might be consider highly non-specific spoilers for the second episode of Game of Thrones, which means it’s doing a better job than the Episode Guide.

Lately I’ve been on an information kick. Not the normal kind of information kick people go on. I didn’t want more information. I wanted less. Less information about movies. Less about television. No casting news. No long trailers. I didn’t care to see and hear more about the movie before I was in the theater. I was doing my best to avoid learning too much.

I failed. I failed not thanks to TV Guide specifically, but to their non-blood offspring. I’m talking about every little guide and preview program out there. It can be TV Guide or TVGuide.com. Or it can be Time Warner Cable’s guide. Or the Cox Cable screen. Or the DirecTV channel guide. And I have found spoilers.

So seriously. I’m begging you, TV guides. Chill out.

I feel like going on a quest to destroy this information before it can spoil others. I mean, is no place sacred? You avoid previews in the theaters and spoilers on the net, only to get another dose on the television. Who is writing these things? Who decides how much information gets out there?

Generally, just some kid I think. I only hazard this guess because during one stint as a post production assistant, I was tasked with writing the episode guides for the show we were working on. Granted, I’m sure no one really cared if I spoiled the twist of a children’s show on The Disney Channel, but I can assure you did no such thing.

Last week I watched the premiere episode of HBO’s amazing Game of Thrones and was enthralled. Hot damn that ending was awesome. Intense. Out of nowhere. Could not have ever seen that coming. Wow. Then the preview rolled. And you know what – it was fine. The teaser for the next episode was perfect – it amplified the ending. Seemed to extend the storyline just slightly. Teased me into wanting more. It didn’t ruin a damn thing.

So imagine my disappointment when I flip to next week to set my DVR to record the next episode and up pops the episode information. Well, hell, it’s there. I might as well read it. So I do. Damn it. Big mistake. You got me, Time Warner Cable. You got me.

You showed what I thought was a death was not a death. What I thought was an amazing and ballsy ending was perhaps not so. Now, obviously the preview text didn’t change what happened. That character was never going to die – or at least not at this exact moment. But I would have been surprised by the next episode. Now, I won’t be. And you can bet I’m past my boiling point.

Though it is worth noting at the time of writing I haven’t yet seen the second episode of Game of Thrones, so if it turns out the character did die, replace this rant with one calling Time Warner Cable a fucking liar.

Spoiler alert: here’s more Boiling Point

Robert Fure is many things: horror expert, ruggedly handsome man of the world, witty prose composer, and writer of his own biography page. Beneath the bravado is a scared little boy, ready to grow into an awesome man and make lies about a scared little boy inside of him. Wait a minute...

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