Boiling Point: Stick to your Time Table


I recently raged against certain stations and shows not being able to string together a coherent season without interruptions.  I return again to the idiot box to once more point the finger of my rage (guess which finger) at the troubles of tuning in.  I’m a pretty busy guy.  I’ve got a lot of drinking to do, a few movies to watch, bands to rock.  I’m sure your busy too.  Thankfully, the digital demigods provided us with the DVR – a way to record our favorite shows when we’re out partying or just napping on the couch.  Could it be any easier?

Hells yes it could!  How hard is it to record a show these days? I’m having all sorts of damn trouble and it’s not that I don’t know how to work the thing.  The DVR clicks on at 8pm but somehow The Simpsons have already been on for 30 seconds?  What gives?  I check the TV Guide and Dollhouse runs from 9:01 to 10:00pm?  WTF?  Then my DVR stops at 10:00pm and guess what?  Previews are cut off.  It’s not the clock – that mother is tied to a central server and updated regularly.  It’s spot on.

What’s that, Fringe is on?  Yes, set the DVR!  Watching… Watching… This is exciting… 10 minutes left to go what will – what the fuck!?  American Idol went long and now my DVR didn’t get the whole episode of Fringe! MURDER TIME.  Seriously.  Whatever happened to shows starting and ending on time at regular intervals, ya know, on the half hour.  That’s what works.  None of this 9:01 crap.  None of this pushed for a live edition of some pisspoor reality show.

And what’s with the credit roll?  To cram more commercials in, the credits start rolling over relevant parts of the episode.  The show literally is still going on at 9:59:59 with relevant information.  BLAM DVR shuts off.  What just happened?  What’s happening next week?  Beats the hell out of me.  Seriously, cable.  Step your game up and quit screwing around with your watches.  It’s like I need a Flux Capacitor just to watch my shows from start to finish.  Anytime a show starts or ends late or early, screwing up my time table, I just set my DVR to boiling point.

What are your DVR or scheduling related horror stories?  Missed something important?

Robert Fure is many things: horror expert, ruggedly handsome man of the world, witty prose composer, and writer of his own biography page. Beneath the bravado is a scared little boy, ready to grow into an awesome man and make lies about a scared little boy inside of him. Wait a minute...

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