Boiling Point: Spoof Movies

Superhero Movie

I had to go through my own article history because I am dumbfounded why I have not ranted about this yet. Are you kidding me!? Spoof movies are pretty much the bane of my existence and they will not die. They’re like a time-traveling Terminator robot, who no matter how many times you kill, can just travel through time and do it again. But decidedly less awesome than that.

So Hollywood, what the fuck? No, no, America, what the hell? Why do you pay to see this stuff? Scary Movie had like four sequels. Seriously? Date Movie, Epic Movie, Superhero Movie. They can’t even make up new titles. Its Genre + Movie. I guess may at one point that was kind of almost clever. Like around Not Another Teen Movie which was, completely obviously, just another teen movie, that sucked.

Spoof movies are the prop comics of the film industry. There is a complete lack of talent going on. Maybe someday someone will make a good spoof, like back in the days of Airplane! or Naked Gun. Those were hilarious. Because they spoof genres. They didn’t just, wardrobe item for wardrobe item, pick and choose things from movies and then redo the scene, but with fart sounds and and food fights. Fuck I am about to punch my monitor just thinking about Date Movie.

I’m almost at a loss for words over this. America, please stop watching these movies! They will never stop as long as you keep paying them to urinate on your face, and by face I mean dignity and by urinate I mean defecate! There is a complete lack of originality here, I’m saying it again! The spoofs aren’t clever. They’re like, High School productions of the movies, only with worse actors and cheaper special effects. Do the writers for this shit even get paid? Maybe they need to get sued over this. A judge should rule that parody and satire are only parody and satire if they are actually funny.

STOP MAKING THESE MOVIES. God. That’s all I can bring myself to say. Giant iPods (Simpsons did it first, and funnier) or fake Captain Jack Sparrows and all this crap has got to go. Screw the Wayans brothers, they really got this ball rolling again after it was virtually dead. And screw Carmen Electra (yes please) because she has been in like, all of them. Damn woman. Leslie Nielsen. Please stop. You are awesome. You are the only parts of these movies that are good. But come on man, do you need that paycheck? I’d love to see you in something else.

That’s it. I can’t go on. If you people want to see these damned movies then Hollywood will keep making them and I will keep flipping out over them. God damn you, Showtime, for letting me watch them for free, though I swear I struggle through watching these steaming piles. I am definitely passed my boiling point on this crap.

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Boiling Point

Robert Fure is many things: horror expert, ruggedly handsome man of the world, witty prose composer, and writer of his own biography page. Beneath the bravado is a scared little boy, ready to grow into an awesome man and make lies about a scared little boy inside of him. Wait a minute...

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