If there’s one thing that sets my britches on fire it’s movies that fail to meet their proposed deadline. What? No, I don’t really wear britches. And yes I missed my boiling point deadline which is what inspired this rant. But I really do hate release date shuffling.

It annoys the heck out of me to look forward to a film, and have a date set for it, and then have that date pass with nothing. Lots of films pull this bull on me. This years hippest throw-back to 80’s horror, Hatchet, promised several release dates starting as early as March of this year. It finally come out, I think, sometime in November in like five theaters or something. If you managed to track that down and see it, congratulations.

The film that really gets to me is the now upcoming but formerly Halloween time released film Trick ‘r Treat from producer Bryan Singer and writer/directer Michael Dougherty. Not only did they shuffle the release date on me, but the shuffled the fucking season. Are you serious? It’s a Halloween movie. It takes place on Halloween. It was filmed in the fall. It’s called fucking Trick ‘r Treat! And now it’s scheduled to come out in February. What sense does that make?

Studio “logic” (har har, I put it quotations, that means I’m being sarcastic) dictates that movies not expected to do well get dumped in the early months of the year. Well let me clue them in on something – a fucking Halloween movie based on Halloween probably will do worse in a month other than October. In October, and even fucking November, people are in a mood to see scary movies. And movies about Halloween. In February we’re not. You think I’m going to get a girl to come with me to see a slasher film in February over the latest romantic bullshit comedy? Doubtful.

Ever had one of those occasions where someone is telling you about a movie they saw and you ask “Did that even come out yet?” And they answer yes. And its already out of theaters. You just got release date fucked. If it’s not a tent pole film that declares its release date a year in advance, good luck finding some of the smaller films that get pushed around like a fat kid at a Catholic school.

All I’m fucking saying, Hollywood, is don’t prematurely ejaculate a release date all over the cinematical fan’s face and then change it. That’s bullshit. You wait until you know when its coming out, like a month before, and then start advertising. No tricks. No mirrors. You tell me the month and the day and I’ll be there. You keep jerking my chain and around and I forget about the movie. I would have watched Hatchet again. I would have loved to see Trick ‘r Treat on Halloween. But I totally missed Hatchet as it was shuffled right past my even caring. And maybe the same will happen to the righteous looking Trick ‘r Treat. So settle the fuck down and stick your landings. Maybe I’m alone on even caring about firm release dates, or maybe I’m just past my boiling point.

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