Boiling Point: Quit Being Dumb, Social Conservatives

Boiling PointIs that a provocative headline? I’m not sure. No more provocative than my first assignment from Neil Miller for FSR, “Why Blacks Don’t Deserve the Vote.” Just kidding, that wasn’t my first article, my first article was a review of The Pound Puppies on VHS. But really, that joke may be tasteless. Some people may be upset by it. You may run off and tell your friends not to read this article, or this site. By all means, go ahead and do that. Make sure to link them to the article too. So they can see it first hand. So that one article no one in your social group was going to read is now read by all of them. Do it. The more you send it around, the the more hits it gets and the more hits it gets the more Milk Duds I receive in compensation.

There seems to be a bit of controversy over controversy these past weeks. Last week we had Ricky Gervais say some funny and mean things (the best kind of things) and people got upset. This week Judd Apatow stole that idea and said a lot of mean things that were barely funny (being just remakes of Ricky Gervais jokes) about the chubby Brit. We’ve also got some thick headed religious types protesting Red State because of its subject matter (I say only protest it if it sucks, or because Kevin Smith is a douche nozzle) and similar socially conservative people up in arms about MTVs Skins, a raunchy sex filled show starring teens playing teens.

This could be an article just about “controversy” but to make it more controversial in itself, I’m name calling social conservatives. That way they’ll send the article around as an example of what is bad and more people will read it. I fucking love Milk Duds.

If you’ve read my work or my comments, you may have gleaned that I’m fairly conservative on most things. Or that I don’t generally like talking politics. Mainly I don’t want people touching my limited supply of money and giving it to the homeless because I really hate the homeless. Also I really want to keep my guns to kill said homeless when the inevitable uprising occurs. One area where I’m not “conservative” though is art, media, violence, and sex. Put it on film. Put it in print. Let’s make sweet fuck to the First Amendment and fill it with our seed, am I right? Let’s get that bitch pregnant. And then have the right to abort it. WHAT IS THIS GUY TALKING ABOUT?

See, it’s a meta thing. When talking about bullshit controversies I’m making a lot of controversial jokes.

I’ll try to get to the point about this. But another digression first. Why did I say “social conservatives” and not just “conservatives” or “Republicans?” Simple – that would be inaccurate. America is approximately 50% Republican, give or take, and thus around 50% “Conservative” if not more so. Most of these people don’t give a shit about Ricky Gervais, mean jokes, Skins, or titties on television. So they are not being stupid. Also, there are plenty of Democrats who are unadvertised social conservatives in this sense, a la Hillary Clinton or Al Gore hating violent video games. So I’m aiming this at the people who are afraid of what is fun in media: sex, nudity, drugs, violence, and sex. Yup, said it twice.

Anyway. I have not yet watched Skins. But I’m going to. You know why? Because a bunch of uptight people don’t want me to. It’s one of those shows that seemed kind of interesting, yet not interesting enough for me to devote twenty-three minutes to as I fast forward through the commercials on my DVR. Except now I hear that it’s really raunchy and perverse and naughty enough to make some people get upset. So now my interest and my erection are both piqued and I want to see it. I’m sure I’m not the only one with this reaction. There are probably literally tens of thousands of people who are going to tune into Skins thanks to the attention it’s getting for being something you shouldn’t watch. Just like most people wouldn’t drink Four Loko. Tell us it’s bad for us and we can’t have it and we’ll pound that shit all weekend. Ya heard?

There has been some minor movement from those Westboro Baptist fucks (I’ve got no problem calling them that, and I don’t think anyone else does either – hey, you’re allowed your Constitutionally protected protest, but I can still call you a shit eating fuck-face on the internet. That’s what it’s here for) against Red State because it portrays a few religious nutjobs as being big time nutjobs. A few of those cheery folks held up some signs and said don’t watch the movie. Some more level headed religious people also said don’t watch the movie. Enough people say don’t watch this movie and you know what happens? People write articles and host news segments on people saying not to watch this movie.

Thus, there is free publicity for this movie.

We’ll see what happens when Red State gets released, but one thing is for sure – any controversy surrounding it is helping it. Being independently released and rather small of budget, the advertising for this movie, according to Smith, is supposed to be all word of mouth. Thus, a big portion of the population won’t be exposed to said advertising. That is, unless there were some sort of controversy surrounding it which led to news outlets and online periodicals picking up the story and running it, drawing attention to the movie and showing clips of the trailers. Then pretty much everyone has a chance to see and hear about this movie. Any publicity is good publicity when no one knows who you are yet.

That’s pretty much the point. Just the same way you ignore a bully or a child’s cries for help, if you ignore these things they’ll most likely go away. Shouting and screaming and pointing isn’t helping your cause. It’s helping theirs. If some uptight prudes didn’t get their panties twisted, soiled, and wet by Skins I never would have taken the time to watch it. But now I will. If a bunch of people didn’t tell me not to watch Red State I probably would have waited until DVD to see it. Now I’ll go see it in theaters perhaps, just to fuck with those people. No one tells me what to do but me and that ad agency behind the Old Spice commercials. God damn I love Old Spice.

So what’s really making me mad this week? Is it that these people want to hate something but are too stupid in regards to how this controversy thing works to be good at hating? I mean, I’m really fucking great at hating things. So that would make sense. But no, fuck no. You should hate things when they’re way too mean (maybe) or when they’re way too shitty. Hell you can even hate things that are offensive. Like, really offensive. And you can hate it from the safety of your home and stay the fuck out of mine. I’ll watch what I please, thanks.

What I’m angry about is people pissing in my entertainment soup. The year is 2011. The world has changed. Our media and entertainment should reflect that. This is not the era of leaving it to Beaver. This is the era of shaving beaver on TV with a censored bar. Is it trashy? Sure. Is it illegal? No. Should you watch it? Only if you want to, man. Why the fuck do you care what I’m watching?

The wonderful thing about this is no one is forcing you to do shit. You don’t have to watch Skins. You can set your TV to block your kids from watching it too. You can call other parents and say “Hey, if my kid comes over, I’d appreciate you not letting them watch Skins because it’s inappropriate for their age group.” You can do that all you want. But what you shouldn’t do is try to bully your old and tired views onto me or others. We’ll watch what the fuck we want even if that’s people fucking on film. There is nothing illegal going on. We’re not talking about videos of people killing cats or real people being victimized. This is a fictional world full of consenting people playing pretend. So grow up. If you don’t like it, don’t watch it. Keep your shitty old world opinion to yourself. When you bitch and complain, all I do is all I ever do: watch what I want, write articles to piss you off, and go past my boiling point.

Rub two copies of the First Amendment together to see what happens or just read more Boiling Point

Robert Fure is many things: horror expert, ruggedly handsome man of the world, witty prose composer, and writer of his own biography page. Beneath the bravado is a scared little boy, ready to grow into an awesome man and make lies about a scared little boy inside of him. Wait a minute...

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