Boiling Point: ‘Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is’ or ‘Go See The Expendables’

Boiling PointI haven’t seen The Expendables yet. Most of us haven’t. I’m pretty sure you haven’t. But we’re all pretty excited for it. All of our favorite 80s action stars in one place. Some great cameos. A fun premise. Plenty of excitement and hype. A great advertising campaign. Even those of us who are weary of being burned by it are quietly cheering it on. Is there a movie that, based on premise alone, has ever seemed this cool?

Yes. And it was called Snakes on a Plane. If you believed the internet hype and bought into the circus surrounding it, Snakes was going to make $75 million its opening weekend. What it ended up doing was making under $14 million and barely edging out the pile of sh*t Talladega Nights by only a few thousand dollars – a terrible movie already in its third week of release.

So, if you’re excited about The Expendables put your money where your fat mouth is and go see it this weekend.

Seriously. Don’t be an asshole. Money is the only language studios listen to and they’re not even that good on hearing it. The Sam Jackson (hijacked) vehicle went on to almost make its money back in theaters, so when you add in DVD totals the film was profitable, but you’ll never see anything like it go to theaters again without some major talent behind it – and no, Sam “Paycheck” Jackson isn’t major talent, because he’ll star in anything. He actually headlined my last birthday party. It was a remake of turning 25 and it sucked.

I was one of the few people who saw Snakes on a Plane in theaters. I was at the world famous Graumann’s Chinese Theater with two friends and maybe 12 strangers. The rest of the theater was empty. Most of my friends, even those who were ‘excited’ by the film balked at the last second stating ‘it’s probably going to suck.’ Well, they were right, the movie was weak, but I had put my money where my mouth was and went out and saw it.

If you’re going to be a pre-release cheerleader, go see the film. You’re not a whore or a publicist, so why pimp a film that you have no intention of seeing? How can something look good enough to be excited over but not good enough to spend a little time and a little money to check out?

Hollywood, perhaps wrongly, relies pretty heavily on tracking numbers and reacts to them. If a film is tracking well (meaning a lot of people know about it and seem excited to see it) they throw more money at the advertising campaign to seal the deal and hopefully lure more people in. If the tracking numbers suck, the studio might just let the film ride and see what happens.

So, by cheering on a film and then not seeing it, you’re f*cking the film two ways. Number one, you’re not seeing it even though on some level you want to. Number two (lol, omg #2), by being excited about it, you can end up causing a studio to pump up the advertising budget. Then, even if the film opens okay, they’ve sunk way more money into it in advertising than they planned, meaning the film is less profitable than it would have been had you just shut up about it.

Granted, this isn’t always how tracking numbers are used, but when small groups of people get excited and loud, studios will often see this as the starter pistol to go after wider audiences. That’s why a movie about snakes on a mother fu<king plane went from SyFy Original material to Sam Jackson direct to DVD material to gigantic advertising campaign. To failure.

So, don’t fu(k good ideas. We’re always clamoring for new and exciting ideas. We want stuff like Snakes and Expendables. When Hollywood finally gives them to us, we have to prove that it was a good idea. When we get excited, we risk it and go to the movies. We don’t pirate films or wait for DVD releases. If these exciting genre films don’t get good responses in theaters, we don’t get more of them.

Why do you think we get tons of shitty romantic comedies and so few awesome, bloody horror movies? People go see shitty comedies and they don’t go see bloody horror movies as much. However, when we do, like in the case of Saw or something similar, Hollywood gets the note and makes more of those films.

So you want more movies with premises like The Expendables? Then don’t just tweet about it. Go see it. Give it some love. Roll the dice. Hell, I have no idea if it’s going to be good or not. All I know is that I’m excited at the very premise of it, so I’m going to see it in a theater. When I see, or hear of, a bunch of people so damn excited about a movie that aren’t, somehow, excited enough to actually pay to see it, I get a bunch of my over the hill friends together and blow the fu<k out of my boiling point.

So are you going to see The Expendables or not, p()ssies?

Robert Fure is many things: horror expert, ruggedly handsome man of the world, witty prose composer, and writer of his own biography page. Beneath the bravado is a scared little boy, ready to grow into an awesome man and make lies about a scared little boy inside of him. Wait a minute...

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