Boiling Point: In Defense of the Nerd Kingdom

Boiling PointIn honor of Hung’s usage of two titles per episode, this week’s Boiling Point is actually called In Defense of the Nerd Kingdom or How Seth Rogen & Evan Goldberg Wrote the Weakest, Most Uninspired Comic Con Article of All Time. You can see how the the second title is a bit long. You may also be asking yourself “what exactly is this moron talking about?”

Well, when the San Diego Comic Convention rolls around, the biggest of its kind, you can always count on a few articles or arguments against it. They’re generally playful, but my problem is that they’re vastly unoriginal and mostly unwarranted. No doubt you’ve already read some article that says something along the lines of “Nerds smell and need deodorant.” Usually its said like “Memo: Nerds, put down your dice and figure out the magic spell of deodorant.” Actually, that’s too clever, but you get the point.

People just can’t pass up the opportunity to point that out of 125,000 people crammed into a tight space for twelve hours, there is going to be some body odor somewhere.  In the most egregious example of this type of thinking, the LA Times asked Seth Rogen & Evan Goldberg to write a “Comic Con Survival Guide” in which this duo managed to come up with nothing new and expressed it in an unoriginal way. Be careful guys, word on the street is that the only thing that’s going to stink at Comic Con this year is the footage of Green Hornet. OH SNAP.

So in defense of the Nerd Kingdom, I’m going to counter the Rogen/Goldberg article, point by point.

1. Wear way more deodorant than you think you need.

The lamest, most unoriginal thing to say about Comic Con, ever. The difference between this joke and the one you made? These two guys are millionaires.  Also worth noting is that the idea of tons of fat, stinky cosplayers is pretty wrong. There are lots of perfectly normal, perfectly hot people walking around, smelling like roses.

2. Guys, don’t assume you can use the girls bathroom. There’s chicks at Comic-Con now!

Hahaha, Oh My God, Laughing Out Loud! They’re referencing the fact that most nerds are dudes!  Oh shit, man, what next, will girls start playing video games too? Maybe one day they’ll leave the kitchen and get jobs as well, am I right, guys? Guys?  Yes, there are girls at Comic Con. In fact, there are lots of girls. Girls dig dressing up in costume and playing the Free Hug game or whatever the shit that is. But for a solid decade now there have been lots of fangirls – especially in recent years with Joss Whedon, Twilight, and other female friendly media going super mainstream.

3. Beware of extremely chilled-out dudes. San Diego is chock full of them.

To be honest, I don’t even know what the f*ck this means.  I think chilled-out dudes sound pretty cool, compared to uptight wads.

4. Apparently they’re having some comic book stuff there this year. If you can find it among all the movie booths, check it out.

This is actually a good one.  Though it’s somewhat ironic that guys who are there promoting a movie tell you to go check out the comic book related stuff. But seriously, go check out the comic book stuff.

5. Do not, under any circumstances, unsheathe your sword.

This is a play on the official Comic-Con weapons policy, which dictates that you keep your weapons, from guns to swords, sheathed. It’s also a dick joke. But in all seriousness, unsheathe your sword. Props are awesome and the “Elite” security guards of SDCC are not on the hunt for you and your cardboard scythe.

Really, my biggest problem with this article (beyond its lack of original thought) is the body odor joke and the no-girls joke. This is stale and old.  Anyone who’s ever been to Comic Con knows that’s a pretty sweet gathering of like minded individuals. Sure, some fat stinky gnomes show up – but usually they’re just hunting for back issues. The vast majority of SDCC attendees are young folks expressing a super sincere love of entertainment. They’re our daily readers, our friends, they’re us. They don’t stink, they’re not all fat dudes, and they’re not to be belittled.

As a reader, you may not be aware of the writers you come to for opinions. Many of the same people who would point and laugh from behind their computer screens at the perceived unwashed masses of overweight, hairy fanboys are actually unwashed, masses of overweight hairy fanboys.  With the exception of the Film School Rejects staff, the vast majority of bloggers are disgusting pig boys. I’m just kidding! But you see what I did there? I took the stereotypical view of film writers and made a lame, uninspired joke. This is what we want to avoid. It’s just not that funny anymore because we’ve heard that joke a million times, so step it up, folks.

Now, briefly, in defense of Rogen and Goldberg. I’ve met Seth Rogen a handful of times, and he’s a funny guy in person and seems very nice. I’ve never talked to Goldberg. I don’t really hold them all that responsible for the article, considering the LA Times probably just came up with some lame Comic Con Survival idea, asked them to do it and they gave it 45 seconds of thought. They’re not the only ones who took the easy, lame road out – some normally very decent and funny writers have addressed this topic in a weak fashion.

So what I’m really saying to the peanut gallery is two-fold. First, let’s be smart and open to our Comic Con going friends. This isn’t 1978 and these aren’t obese nerds. They’re nice, normal people celebrating what they, and we, love. Secondly, bring some originality back to your writing. I mean, come on, the body odor joke? Not only did 1978 call, but so did every other year since then and the line is busy with people wanting their joke back. When I see people bashing Comic Con goers, especially in such an unoriginal way, I shave off my neck beard and reveal my boiling point.

Just kidding, I don’t have a neck beard, I’m very attractive.

Click here for more Boiling Point

Robert Fure is many things: horror expert, ruggedly handsome man of the world, witty prose composer, and writer of his own biography page. Beneath the bravado is a scared little boy, ready to grow into an awesome man and make lies about a scared little boy inside of him. Wait a minute...

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