Better Know a Reject: Gwen Reyes

It’s been a while since we’ve published an edition of Better Know a Reject, our sometimes series that focuses on the personalities behind the wonderful content you read every day here on FSR, but that doesn’t mean we can’t just start up again. And as we begin a new year and get ready to celebrate the sixth birthday of this site, we can’t help but bring it all back around to the people who make it all go ’round. Our hope is to do one or two of these every month, just a little something to help you connect with the brilliant minds who entertain and enlighten you with their unending passion for the world of film.

This time around we’re Q’ing and A’ing with Reel Sex columnist Gwen Reyes, who just celebrated her one year anniversary of writing for FSR on February 9th. My, how time flies when you’re having fun and talking about sexy things. Gwen became known to us through her work on the now defunct Gordon and the Whale and her personally owned site Reel Vixen, the latter of which continues to deliver amazing conversations with a female perspective from not just Ms. Reyes, but other names you’ll recognize from the pages of FSR. She’s multi-talented, incredibly bright and a key component to the success of this very site (apparently you guys like reading about sex — who knew!). So cuddle up and lets have some pillow talk with our resident sexpert.

Why did you want to write for Film School Rejects, as opposed to some other, more respectable publication?

Other than having the opportunity to surround myself with writers far more talented and loquacious than me, I really wanted the chance to write about how much I like watching the dirty movies many people consider art. The quirk, attention to detail, and love of films on FSR astounds me daily, and I have made it a goal to break bread and wine bottles with each Reject who’ll have me.

What is your first movie memory?

It’s a toss-up between the introduction of the creepy butterfly in The Last Unicorn and an amputation scene in Glory. My parents didn’t trust babysitters, so they often took my brother and me to a late movie, slip me some Benadryl, and it was night-night for Gwen. Unfortunately, I had this terribly annoying habit of waking up in the middle of the most random moments, including a horrific scene in a movie I have yet to see the whole way through. That might also explain my pension for the little pink allergy pill and discomfort around Civil War re-enactors.

What unique qualities will readers of Film School Rejects find in your writing? What do you bring to the table?

I think my most unique quality is coming up with different cutesy alternative phrases for vagina (lady pocket, lady bits, tenders) and sex (sexy sex time, grind it out, startin’ fires). Come to think of it, I guess I should work on some for man meat, huh? Don’t want the men to feel underrepresented.

I also like really dirty jokes, but I’m terrible at writing them.

If you had to defend yourself, would you rather have Freddy’s claws, Bond’s pistol, or Rosebud the sled?

While Freddy’s claws and Bond’s pistol would ensure I’d never have to touch the person to defend myself, one only works in nightmares and the other I’d have to drink a lot of vodka to operate properly (I mean, okay, yes that really isn’t a problem for me). I’d chose Rosebud because that guarantees I lived the life I’ve set out for myself—become a reclusive, eccentric billionaire unable to connect to any living person. Owning Rosebud also means I could come back to life, after nearly dying of old age, due to the new organs I purchased with my billions, and once again proving that money is the most important tool in warfare—at least that’s what the government has been saying during tax time for years. ROOOOSSSEEEEE BUD

If you were forced to choose only one movie to recommend to everyone you ever meet for the rest of your life, what movie would that be, and why?

Wow, that’s a lot of pressure. I mean, in essence I’m shaping young minds with whatever I suggest. (I may or may not think that highly of my own opinion). There are so many great movies that should be mandatory in anyone’s personal film growth, but then there are some really terrible movies people need to watch to know life is in fact not that fucked up. Mental stimulation versus guilty pleasure—which angle do I take?

Oh alright, I’m not curing cancer here. I’m a writer for a reason, since I barely passed my science classes. I’d go with Love, Actually. It is not only full of well written, compelling characters, including a chubby girl winning the heart of the English Prime Minister (what could be a better fantasy??) it also serves as my quintessential Christmas movie. Just like the internet, I don’t remember life before Love, Actually but I sure as hell cannot live without it now.

What is your number one passion outside the world of movies?

When I’m not watching movies, writing about movies, or falling asleep old-lady style during movies, I find myself studying the impressive display of beards around me. Maybe it’s because I can’t grow one, or maybe it’s because I delight so much in the acrobatics of a well planned out facial muff, but I love beard spotting. They never go out of fashion, it’s an automatic identifier of a mountain man, and if grown by the right guy, I can keep my lipstick and keys in there.

What do you love about movies?

I love escaping into worlds that are beyond me, full of tall romantic men, heists that ALWAYS end with the criminals getting away with millions, jokes that never fall flat, sexy Dodge Chargers, and the incredible discovery of gravity technology on space ships. Movies celebrate the creative and remain a lasting art form that I hope to share with my future children fathered by Gerard Butler and Jon Hamm.

Check out our previous installments of Better Know a Reject:


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