This week is a very drab one here in the world of Blu-ray. First of all, I don’t mean to sound like a whiney reviewer, but I was not able to actually review any of the titles below. Why? Because I was not supplied a review copy of any of this week’s releases. And I was not about to go out and buy any of them because, well, I will explain that on an individual basis. But know this — had I received some review material I would be giving you the full, in-depth reviews that you are used to (all 4 of you that read my column). Instead you are getting the abbreviated version of the Blu-ray Report, colorful language and all.
Hancock (November 25)
Sure, Hancock wasn’t the biggest pile of dung to hit theaters all summer, but it certainly didn’t live up to its potential. Some onlookers were excited about the prospect of a superhero movie that centered on a flawed, dishonorable man of great power only to be met with a movie stuck in an identity crisis. One part failed comedy and another failed drama, Hancock was everything and nothing to anyone who saw it. Well, to be more specific, it was everything (some intense action) then nothing (completely forgettable). With that in mind, I wouldn’t put this any higher on my chart de recommendation than ‘rental.’ To buy such a mediocre film on Blu-ray, no matter how amazing the special features, would be a major waste of your hard earned money. With the economy where it’s at you might as well put that $30 into a savings account and hold it for a rainy day — also known as December 9th, the day The Dark Knight comes out on Blu-ray.
Meet Dave (November 25)
Where to begin. First of all, there is nothing with the potential to annoy me more than an Eddie Murphy vehicle in which Eddie Murphy is, in fact a vehicle. In Meet Dave he plays a starship named Dave who has chased the galaxy’s most annoying bouncy ball to Earth and must retrieve it in order to save his planet full of little people — who also live inside of him, captained by another character played by Eddie Murphy. So for those not following along, we have Eddie Murphy inside of Eddie Murphy in a family-friendly, non-gay porno with clones sort of way. Did I mention that in order to find this lost thingamajig that Dave must infiltrate the lives of a cute single mom (Elizabeth Banks) and her quirky, space-loving son? Wait.. hold the phone. What in the name of Satan’s taint is Elizabeth Banks doing anywhere near this movie? Oh right, pay check. Ms. Banks, you need to develop some standards — working with Kevin Smith, good. Eddie Murphy’s zany space adventure, not so much.
The bottom line here folks is that this film is so abysmal that I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. In fact, even if this Blu-ray release included a video orgy of all 12 of last year’s Maxim cover models, I still wouldn’t raise its threat level above “Rent at Your Own Risk.”
Space Chimps (November 25)
Andy Samberg was funny when he was sticking his dick in a box with Justin Timberlake. He was even funny when he was rolling around on a dirt bike getting his ass beat by Ian McShane in Hot Rod. But as the voice of a chimp named Ham III who travels into outer space, Samberg was not that funny. Samberg aside, Patrick Warburton is awesome and should be celebrated at all times as such. But even Warburton cannot resurrect Space Chimps from the bottom of the barrel. In this Pixar-dominated world of CG-animation, the folks at 20th Century Fox just can’t hang. Though, I will admit that the chimps in Space Chimps were far more entertaining than the CG monkeys in Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. If you’ve got kids and they love cartoon monkeys, you might want to give this one a rent. But if you have any standards as a parent or as a moviegoer, you can easily find better ways to spend your money — see last week’s write-up of WALL-E if you are looking for one of those ways.
Those are the big three releases this week, all of which I would recommend treating as if they come with a side of Sarin gas. But that doesn’t mean there aren’t a few Blu-ray releases that I will be checking out this week. And even though I didn’t get review material (most likely because they are releases that are way off the radar), I still might break into my FSR slush fund for them as they might be pretty awesome. Here is my Blu-ray shopping list for November 25:
The Blu-ray Patrol is the weekly column in which FSR’s HD-addicted Executive Editor Neil Miller rants and raves about the upcoming week’s Blu-ray releases. To buy or not to buy, that is always the question. Check back ever Monday to find the answers.