4. Il Duce In The Boondock Saints

Really? Six guns? Come on, man. I know it looks cool – but I did a little research and you just dropped about four thousand dollars worth of guns on the street and ran away. You could purchase three M16s with that kind of money you’re just burning like that. I know you’re a cold-blooded killer – but can’t killers be frugal?

Also, sunglasses and cigar smoke tends to be hard on the eyes, which is probably why you couldn’t hit three guys crowded together and standing still. If you want to look cool doing something go learn skateboarding or something, okay?

He does look really cool with six guns strapped to him like that, though. It only makes sense that a man who puts so much attention into theatrics would end up being who he ends up being in this film.

3. Minnie and Roman Castevet in Rosemary’s Baby

Really no better way to hide ritualistic Satanism than the shroud of an eccentric old couple; even by the end of the film when Rosemary is gentling rocking Lucifer himself it still just feels like any other old person party with the beige suits and heavy drinks. No doubt after the film ends they all gather round to play some Trivial Pursuit while eating crackers and cheese from a TV tray set up next to the Satan-cradle. In other words, it’s probably the coolest party ever.

Minnie and Roman are so nice that it’s hard to think that Rosemary would mind letting them conduct her demonic impregnation. They really seem to make evil seem not so bad with their coddling and rambling stories. Sure – they work for the dark prince, but everyone’s got their bullshit, right? Considering all the support she is going to be getting as a new mother, it’s no wonder she ends up going along with it all in the end. After all – I don’t think that kids going to be allowed at day care.

2. Kurt Dussander in Apt Pupil

You know you’re dealing with a good actor when you see them play a sinister ex-Nazi in hiding, a holocaust victim turned magnetic superman, and finally a big robed wizard all in the span of four years and never even flinch at the transitions. There’s no moment where you watch any of these performances and have trouble accepting it, despite how drastic the last role was. I guess that’s kind of what you’d expect from a career that spans 50 goddamn years.

Out of it all, alcoholic ex-Nazi Kurt Dussander has to be the scariest role of Ian McKellen’s career. Seemingly a monster-turned-harmless old man, Kurt proves to still have a ruthless side as he pretends to be his adolescent would-be blackmailer’s grandfather and mentor – at times even helping the young boy. Of course that only goes so far, as Kurt is also much more than cunning.

Probably the all-time freakiest part of this performance has to be the scene where the kid brings him an old uniform and makes him try it on, resulting in Kurt becoming lost in memory – something that isn’t exactly a good for an ex-Nazi to do.

1. Janine ‘Smurf’ Cody in Animal Kingdom

This woman is like a switchblade in that the time it takes for her to go from unassuming and razor sharp can only be measured in nanoseconds. Based off the real life crime family mom Kath Pettingill, actress Jacki Weaver was bombarded with nominations for her performance, including an Oscar nomination for Best Supporting Actress.

She’s just terrifying, and embodiment of almost every other person on this list put together: she’s compassionate, two-faced, ruthless… like Palpatine she is able to manipulate the situation from both sides, and probably can shoot lightning from her hands if she had to.

The worst part is that while she shows only the deepest empathy to her sons and grandson – she has no problem sending them into certain death, going so far as to ordering a hit on her own freaking grandson in the film. This sweet old lady is ice cold.

There just has to be more I missed. This I know. Tell me, what are some other movie mentors and grandparents that you can think of that you’d never want to cross?

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