31 Days of Horror: The Children


The Children (2008)

Show them no mercySynopsis: Two families celebrating Christmas together find that not all is jolly when a mysterious agent (bacterial or viral) begins affecting their children, turning them against their parents in a bloody Holiday mess.

Killer Scene: There is one kid in particular you’ll grow to hate.  This little blonde whiny kid.  He does a good job of terrorizing the adults who are trapped inside a glass filled shed.  He chases after teenage Casey, threatening her with a stabbing.  Things end poorly after the kid is shoved and finds the unpleasant side of a shattered glass pane.


skulls-25Violence: The film cuts away from the violence a lot of the time.  We see a good bit and what we see is indeed powerful, but the actual gore quotient is low.  We do get some scratches, some blood, a partially scalped skull, scissor slices, a broken leg, a stomach cut open and a doll inserted, the glass shard to the back, and someone gets ran over, smashed into another car and a big blood smear goes down the window.  And since most of this violence is directed at kids, it’s awesome.

skulls-05Sex: There are a couple of MILFs in the film and teenager Casey is cute, in her angsty short skirt.  But we don’t get any nudity and your pants will stay firmly loosely in place.

skulls-15Scares: There are a few scenes that can hit you with the jump scare.  A couple of the scenes in the film are tense, but not out right frightening.  If you’ve always mistrusted children and worried that one day they would turn on you, this film might put the shivers in you.  As a man who always assumed I could beat up approximately 37 nine-year olds, even if they were armed, this film gave me pause as to how easily these kids manage to put some serious hurt on some adults.  Unfortunately for these kids, I’ve got no qualms about child smashing, so I’d like to see them try this bullshit at my Christmas party.  I’ve only got one present under the tree – pain.

Final Thoughts: This movie has been given a lot of coverage and a lot of love.  Surprisingly, it lives up to all the hype around it.  It’s not overflowing with violence and blood, but rather makes very good use of it’s limited kill count (six).  Personally I couldn’t wait for the kids to start being killed, mostly because their shrill shrieks and their cacophonic cries had me clutching the volume control.  The Children is a tense, thrilling ride perfect for either Halloween or Christmas, whatever Holiday you want to ruin for grandma.

Robert Fure is many things: horror expert, ruggedly handsome man of the world, witty prose composer, and writer of his own biography page. Beneath the bravado is a scared little boy, ready to grow into an awesome man and make lies about a scared little boy inside of him. Wait a minute...

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