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31 Days of Horror: Cemetery Man

Cemetery Man aka Dellamorte Dellamore (1994)

Synopsis: Francesco Dellamorte runs a local cemetery with a peculiar feature… the earth within brings the dead back to life. As zombies, of course, meaning they’re hungry for human flesh. Dellamorte and his assistant spend their days burying the dead, and their nights killing and burying them again. Lives (and deaths) are interrupted when Dellamorte meets and falls in love with a young widow.

Killer Scene:A bus full of boy scouts and nuns runs over some punks on motorcycles, popping a girl’s head off and melding a guy with his bike. The bus drives off a cliff immediately afterward. Later that night the entire troupe come back to life resulting in several minutes of boy scouts getting their heads blown off and nuns getting their faces smashed. Dellamorte finds one of the dead bikers feasting on his still-living girlfriend. “Mind your business!” she says, “I shall be eaten by whoever I please!”

KILLSHEET

Violence: Zombies can really only be killed one way, and everyone knows it… severe damage to the brain. Cemetery Man delivers with plenty of gunshots to the head, shovels to the head, posts to the head, etc. Zombies tear into flesh as well, including a nice POV shot from inside the mouth of a flying zombie head (don’t ask) that attacks her father’s neck.

Sex: Ah Anna Falchi… she of the nipples bigger and rounder than my head. Of the breasts bigger and more inviting than my apartment. Of the constant need to undress and fornicate in the cemetery. Oh, and she has pretty eyes too.

Scares: I can’t honestly say there’s anything scary in the movie. The zombies will tear into your flesh with their teeth if given the chance, but they’re not presented in a frightening way. No real jump scares either, even when the movie seems to want one.

Final Thoughts: Based on an Italian comic book series, Michael Soavi’s film is sly, casual, sexy, and fun. Rupert Everett imbues Dellamorte with a dry acceptance of his mundane zombie-killing life and a philosophical longing for something more, and Falchi’s role as the mysterious love interest is actually three different roles, each one pulling Dellamorte deeper into love and bitterness. Cemetery Man is far from typical, but it is a beautiful, witty, violent zombie romp. It’s a thought-provoking zombie film… for those who like to use their brain before it gets eaten.

FSR is a family site, so the picture featuring Falchi’s heaving breasts has been edited into a safer (and far more frightening) image.

Rob is the Chief Film Critic of Film School Rejects. He doesn't eat cheese on weekdays.

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