Watchmen: 10 Things I Liked, 5 I Didn’t

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Editor’s Note: As with many of our Ten and Five articles, this article does contain spoilers. Consider yourself warned.

Watchmen dropped into theaters just a few hours ago, but I’m sure many of you reading this, probably around two in the afternoon while skipping work, went to a midnight showing.  The number of fanboy suicides are hopefully low, while those slaying sacrificing themselves to the Altar of Snyder should at least wait for the DVD version before killing both themselves and their unborn child.  It’s just a movie.

Or is it?  No, it is just a movie, but it was a good one.  Not perfect, though I continue to contend that no Watchmen film could ever become a perfect movie – it just doesn’t have the kind of story and structure that translates well outside of its native format – which was a 12 issue mini-series.  There were plenty of things I liked, at least 10 I’d say, but I had more than a few things I disliked.  About 5, give or take.  Find them below.

10 Things I Liked

10. The Soundtrack. The songs in this film are like the greatest hits of early rock and roll.  Totally sweet, though I’d hate to see the rights clearance budget.  So awesome.

9.  Jackie Earle Haley. I don’t think you could have cast a better Rorschach with a decade of casting research.  So perfect.

8.  The Effects. Notably Dr. Manhattan.  He was always going to be a challenge to show realistically and the film nailed it.  All of the other effects, like Manhattan’s disintegration of foes, also look great.  So stunning.

7.  Opening Credit Sequence. Possibly the single coolest credit sequence ever.  Tons of history and interesting alternate takes on the past are shown in a fun and cool way.  So innovative.

6.  The Sex Scene. First there was some kinky doggy in Dawn of the Dead, then the epic slow motion romp of 300, and now a fetishistic latex-high boot infused superhero sex spectacular.  Zack Snyder must be a freak in the sack.  So hot.

5.  Matthew Goode. As I mentioned in my review, in the graphic novel I was not a fan of Ozymandias.  Now, he is quite possibly my favorite character and that is owed in large part to Goode nailing him down.  So impressive.

4.  Adult Situations. Bad language, bloody violence, and nudity.  It’s great that they stayed true to the source and made this is a dark, bad world.  So accurate.

3.  Strike a Pose, aka Visuals. You can’t deny Zack Snyder has an awesome eye for framing superheroes.  So stunning.

2.  Zack Snyder! I’ve been a fan of his since Dawn of the Dead and he has got to be one of the most exciting directors working today.  He’s one of the few directors who will get me to watch a film no matter what it is.  So talented.

1.  They made Watchmen. How cool is it that there is a Watchmen movie now?  On top of that, its a faithful and good one!  So surprising.

5 Things I Didn’t Like

5.  Silk Spectre II. I didn’t want to just blame Malin Ackerman.  Her performance isn’t of the quality of the rest of the cast, but she’s hot and looks good kicking ass.  But Laurie is kind of a weak character to begin with and she wasn’t given all that much in the script.  So underwhelmed.

4.  The Impossible Conundrum. If you read my review, you know this is about the toss-up between staying faithful or modernizing it or cutting parts.  For the most part, they succeeded here, though the change to the ending event won’t sit well with everyone.  Giant squids are kind of cool.  So difficult.

3.  So Impotent. My favorite line of the book is the very explicitly stated scene of Dan’s impotence.  He’s standing there naked, with his goggles on, staring down at his little hero and just flatly stats “So impotent.”  Sure, he has some ED problems in the film, but that line always stuck in my head.  So sad.

2.  Run Time. I’m not sure if I think it was too long at 2hours 40 minutes or too short.  It definitely feels long, but I’m also excited for the super complete Black Freighter edition.  So conflicted.

1.  They made Watchmen. I’m not sure a movie had to be made.  We’ll have to wait and see if its a financial success.  Critically it’s not doing so hot.  The graphic novel is widely respected.  Did we need an adaptation?  I’m not convinced.  But this was the best shot we had at one.  So debatable.

There it is.  Ten things that hit the spot and 5 that missed the mark.  What are your thoughts on this film?  Also, in case you didn’t get the obvious revelation at the end – each entry ended with a “So (adjective)” as a play on the “So Impotent” line.  So clever.

Discuss what was good and what wasn’t below.

Robert Fure is many things: horror expert, ruggedly handsome man of the world, witty prose composer, and writer of his own biography page. Beneath the bravado is a scared little boy, ready to grow into an awesome man and make lies about a scared little boy inside of him. Wait a minute...

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