IntroRevenge

As the Oldboy remake approaches, the subject of revenge is no doubt teeming in everyone’s heads – at least in terms of punishing the people who decided to remake Oldboy.

While there are so many lists out there about the most “brutal” or the most “satisfying” revenge films, perhaps it might be fun to explore the strangest, if not most laughable ways people enacted their justice.

10. Heart Explosion And Much, Much More in Kill Bill

The five-point-palm exploding-heart-technique is pretty cool until you remember that guns exist. Still, that must have been a pretty interesting coroner’s report. In fact, when you think about it, Bill’s corpse is exactly like something you’d see on the slab during an X-Files episode – only Mulder would have pointed to telekinesis or some kind of invisible elephant.

It’s tough to point to just one Tarantino film and say, “look at how ridiculous that is!” – but considering how many ridiculous acts of revenge are carried out within these two movies (“Hey, I just pulled out your eyeball.”) I’d call this the clear winner.

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9. Electric Whips in Iron Man 2

I know that we’re not supposed to question the logic of the characters in superhero movies for some reason – but when you’re dealing with a man like Tony Stark who appears in public on a regular basis and is openly known to be Iron Man, what’s so wrong about using a simple sniper rifle?

Sure, Vanko claims he is merely trying to prove that Stark is fallible (it sure looked like he was trying to kill him to me, though) but there’s no reason to do that with giant whip arms that are essentially useless the moment he flies away. At what point in a man’s life does he say, “I’m going to build giant electric whips” without realizing that perhaps his life decisions have led him astray?

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8. Elaborate Revolution in V For Vendetta

Don’t get me wrong, what V pulls off in this film is nothing short of badass – but there are also so many ways this plan could have fallen flat on its silly-masked face. Also, anytime you appear publicly in a cape you’re taking a gamble.

When you boil it down, V is just a crazy person. Like, a really crazy person. He’s insane. He sword fights alone in his dungeon and builds elaborate dominoes designs for no one but himself. It’s only luck that this mask-wearing master of rhymes existed in an oppressive totalitarian government – otherwise he’d just be in jail.

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7. The Worst Dinner Party Ever in Titus

As far as descents into madness go, Titus sure takes the crazy cake both for its protagonist and the audience sitting through it. I’m not sure what’s more bonkers about this film – the fact that it has Nazi cars and big-breasted mermaid floaties, or that those things actually seem to fit perfectly with the original bat-shit crazy Shakespeare story.

And then there’s Anthony Hopkins slowly going eat-your-poop crazy throughout the movie, all leading to a wonderful dinner party filled with child murdering and surprise cannibalism. In other words, Titus is Hopkins’s answer to anyone who thought he couldn’t out-crazy Hannibal Lecter.

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6. Tesla Cloning in The Prestige

In reality, magician duels are less about long train rides and rubbing elbows with historic inventors and more commonly something that gets broken up by the magicians’ mothers after school. It’s a romantic idea through – two masters of illusions trying to outwit each to the grave over a lost love, too obsessed to care about the ridiculously attractive women they managed to bag.

That’s kind of where the realism of this movie fails. Cloning machine? Sure. But a magician married to either Rebecca Hall of Scarlett Johansson is going to thank their stars every day for that kind of dumb luck.


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