Print to Projector

Print to ProjectorSince Hollywood is completely out of fresh ideas, we humbly offer up the best source material from the dust-covered shelves of literary history to the sleek new world of webcomics. Pay attention, Hollywood. We’re giving you gold here.

Updates Every: Saturday

As the only literate Reject, it’s my duty to find the latest, the greatest and the untouched classics that would make great source material for film adaptations. I read so you don’t have to. This week, Print to Projector presents: Abraham Lincoln, Vampire Hunter by Seth Grahame-Smith “The boy had been crouched so long that his legs had fallen asleep beneath him – but he dared not move now.” Synopsis A young boy named Abraham suffers the grizzly frontier life of the early 19th century and is devastated by the loss of his mother. After finding out that she was killed by a vampire, he makes it his life’s work to hunt down the blood-thirsty monsters and cut off their giant-canine-tooth-stuffed heads with his axe. And to become President at some point. And free the slaves. And keep the union together.

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A free-wheeling photographer finally wants to settle down with a Swedish pixie dream girl, and even thought neither of them might be ready for the responsibility, they get pregnant. Over the course of nine months, the full spectrum of relationship drama plays out as well as the back stories for the major characters, culminating in the birth of the young human being these two have brought into the world.

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A tattoo-enthusiast names Johnny Truant discovers a manuscript in a blind man’s apartment where the man, named Zampano, documents a documentary film about a photographer who settled into a home with his partner and children that seems to be expanding internally but not externally. As Truant’s daily life plays out – mostly in chasing after a stripper – the story of the Navidson family and their ever-expanding house reveals a tale of insanity, claustrophobia, murder and lost identity.

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Two worlds, and one man. The (sort of) true story of Valentino Achak Deng speaks of his life growing up in the civil war squalor of Sudan. When his village is reduced to cinder, he marches to a refugee camp with the other orphaned boys of Marial Bai – but his hardships will continue even after he escapes to the United States.

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Told from Death’s perspective, a young girl is taken into foster care in Munich after her mother is imprisoned in the Dachau concentration camp for being a Communist.

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It’s an impossible task, but it’s high time that Bill Watterson got the right talent together and delivered a Calvin and Hobbes movie to the masses.

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A down on his luck private eye is tasked by the US government to find a very special book… the other Constitution written in secret by the nation’s forefathers and bound in space alien skin. The White House had possession of it until Richard Nixon traded it away, and the US has been sliding into a morally bankrupt abyss ever since.

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Captain William Bligh has his ship taken over in the most famous mutiny in history. What happens next involves 18 men in a boat built for 10, a small amount of provisions, and the entire Pacific ocean.

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A man recounts the worsening abuse he endured as an adolescent from his alcoholic mother and passive father. From beatings to starvation to actions labeled illegal by the Geneva Convention.

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Trained assassin Columbus deals with a beautiful Italian woman, his usual case load of targets and the new sensation of having a price put on his head by a powerful unknown source who wants him dead.

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Jonas seems a little different than everyone else in his class, and when he’s given the job of Receiver of Memories, he finally realizes what has been absent from his life and the lives of his family: true love, intense happiness, the rush of adventure.

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An evil wizard named Flagg seeks to subvert the Kingdom of Delain by placing a monarch in power that will listen to his every whim. With King Roland’s two sons – Peter and Thomas – Flagg sees an enemy to fear and a child to manipulate into the tool of destruction he needs on the throne.

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A guide with a new challenge everyday to drag you, willfully kicking and screaming, from the rut that you’re in. Sing a song, throw something you love away, write to the Pope. If you follow the book’s instructions, you’re promised 365 new experiences.

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A post-apocalyptic future where the rantings of a divorced cab driver have become the basis for a major religion. Who wouldn’t want to see that on the big screen?

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It was the best of times and the drug-induced times in American modern history. Stick out your thumb and dig deep into the madness.

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Charles Carter is investigated in the death of President Warren Harding, duels with his nemesis Mysterioso, falls in love, out of love, in love again, and manages to escape life’s harshest dangers even when they have him bound in a straight jacket and thrown into the river.

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Could this Tom Robbins journey through immortality and beets be Oscar-caliber? You’re damned right it could.

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Studios have been afraid for too long. It’s time to put Palahniuk’s long, strange trip into the heart of American commercialism and religion on the big screen.

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Hollywood should grow a pair and do a startlingly different take on Superman. Instead of the same old origin story, dare to create something new and phenomenal.

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This week on Print to Projector, we dream cast the anthology masterwork of J.D. Salinger and enjoy some bananafish.

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