October Insanity

Texas Chain Saw Massacre

Hooray! Look at Sally screaming in delight! She’s celebrating (with a little sausage dinner) because The Texas Chain Saw Massacre (1974) has just been crowned The Scariest Movie Ever by you, our dear readers! If there’s one thing we learned from the nail-biter of a championship round, it’s that Exorcist fans vote early and Leatherface fans vote late, but while William Friedkin‘s demonic horror flick held a slight lead going into the evening, our friendly neighborhood cannibals overtook Linda Blair so fast it made her head spin. The final tally was 808 – 657 in favor of Texas Chainsaw, but if Exorcist lovers are bummed out, they can always cheer themselves up with this. Thanks to all whovoted. October Insanity has been intense, so let’s take a victory lap over the final numbers.

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The Scariest Movie Ever

It was a tough few days for movies about creatures from other worlds slashing their way through flimsy human flesh. Both Alien and The Thing lost handedly in the semi-final. That means we have the two movies you’ve chosen to fight to the death in the Championship Arena (which is currently being built in a part of the Australian outback that’s not being ravaged by a mutant pig). After a week of match-ups, you’ve chosen The Texas Chain Saw Massacre and The Exorcist to vie for the title of Scariest Movie Ever. Not a bad pair, friends. It will be fascinating to see what goes through the minds of voters when choosing between these drastically different films. One is an aggressive, raw death-fest which is far less gory than people remember it being; the other is a more carefully constructed examination of a single powerful entity that involves vomit but not a lot of death. One hunts you down; the other invades your body and home. One has Leatherface; the other has Captain Howdy. So how do you even choose? What will go into your consideration? TIME TO VOTE FOR A CHAMPION

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The Scariest Movie Ever

And then there were four. After the tournament’s closest battle came to an end with a come-from-behind winner, The Texas Chain Saw Massacre eked its way into The Final Four alongside The Thing, Alien and The Exorcist. Essentially we’re down to the impossible choices, but while a horror movie tournament is one thing, figuring out with of these baddies would best each other in real life is a bit easier. Today’s match-up sees Ridley Scott‘s hallway of terror go up against the devil in Ms. Blair, but if the mutli-mouthed E.T.s actually had to fight off a demon, it seems obvious that evil would prevail (unless The Queen had the courage to jump out of an airlock after getting possessed). On the same front, a family of cannibals with their own meat locker is terrifying, but they’d be quick work for the body-stealing Thing, especially since Grandpa’s offspring don’t seem all that bright. How long would it take for one of them to hit themselves with a hammer in order to stop the invasion? Over/Under is twenty minutes. Speaking of which, someone should make a movie where horror icons fight each other. Especially if it involves Alien. How could that miss? And since both Freddy and Jason have been knocked out of the tournament, they’ll have plenty of time to collaborate on a project like that. VOTING FOR THE FINAL FOUR IS NOW OPEN

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The Scariest Movie Ever

After laughing about the completely unplanned, totally-done-by-your-votes match-up between The Ring and The Thing in the Axe-Wielding Eight Round, I’d like to talk about two types of movies that didn’t make the cut. There are. of course, the 24 movies so far that have been chopped off the block by you clicking a Facebook button, but there are also a bunch of movies that didn’t get placed on the original bracket to begin with. There are two reasons that your favorite scary movie didn’t make it. One, it’s a finite list (and a small one at that). Two, we aren’t mind readers. For the most part, our bracket was conventional in honoring the classics, but we also tried to spice things up by including newer films and even a few that maybe weren’t seen by wide audiences (Session 9, you will be missed…). Today’s post will seek to celebrate some of those movies you suggested we were morons for leaving out. We’ll also run down the numbers, laugh some more about the rhyming Ring/Thing battle, and get serious about the predictions. We’re down to 8 insanely strong horror flicks, so it’s even more important to get out the vote because the margins are going to be razor blade thin. Or you can vote first and then read all this

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The Scariest Movie Ever

The late, great James Whale once said, “Hollywood is just too marvelous. One feels the footprints of the immortals here, but has a terrible feeling that they are in sand and won’t last when civilization comes this way.” So it is with the immortals in our Scariest Movie Ever bracket tournament. After the second round of voting, only 16 films are left, and it’s a guarantee that the competition is going to get a lot tighter once it’s icon versus icon. There are still some newer favorites, but the next round is shaping up to have battles between Kubrick and Polanski, Carpenter and a hockey masked Cunningham, and the fight between Poltergiest and Halloween is anyone’s game. Once the dust settles, there will at least be a handful of immortals left bleeding out onto the sand. If you want to skip this nonsense and get straight to voting, feel free, but to check out the final Round Two tallies and check out some tough predictions for Round Three, forge ahead.

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The Scariest Movie Ever

They said we were crazy to set up the brackets like we did. The Exorcist against Night of the Living Dead? Halloween against Psycho? In the first round? Why not just cross off the heavy hitters before the voting even starts? But here’s the thing: the numbers from yesterday’s voting proved to be a slaughter. If the tallies had been Florida-style close, there might be cause for remorse and re-evaluation, but all of the losers got dramatically beheaded in a bloody landslide. While we look at the winners and losers (and make predictions for today’s voting), I want to draw a ridiculous conclusion – that we aren’t just voting for the scariest movie, but that we’re voting against our weaker fears. I’ll joyously go into greater detail in a bit without any help from pesky old science. If you want to skip this nonsense and get straight to voting, feel free, but if you want to think too deeply, check out the First Round scores and guess which of Round Two’s movies will survive the night, let’s get to it.

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The Scariest Movie Ever

If there’s one thing everyone on the internet enjoys, it’s participating in a bracket-style tournament that forces you to admit that you’ve pushed out a high-pitched screech in public, soiled yourself in front of family, or ideally both at the same time. We actually pay for this stuff, people. That’s the raw beauty of horror movies, but they can also save your life. It’s true! According to clinical psychologist David Rudd, watching terrifying stuff helps train us for real danger. “It’s nature’s way of protecting us. Adults may well scream but quickly follow it with a laugh since they readily recognize there’s no chance for real harm.” And if we experience enough of that safe danger, we grow accustomed to phobias, giving us a chance to get over them. So what horror film is most effective at making us laugh while cleaning the urine stains out of our pants? What horror film is theoretically best for keeping our wits sharp in a dangerous world? Which terror-filled vision is most likely to save our lives? That’s what we’re here to find out. Starting today and running through next week, we’re asking you to vote for the Scariest Movie Ever. To get off on the right bloody stump, we’ve compiled a notable list using an insane sentient computer that spit out this bracket:

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published: 12.18.2014
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published: 12.17.2014
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published: 12.15.2014
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published: 12.12.2014
D+


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