Boiling PointTo get more hits on this article, I considered calling it “Ricky Gervais & The Golden Globes, Sandra Bullock nude, Ryan Reynolds break up, chicken fight.” But we’re above that sort of stuff here at FSR, or at least that’s what I’m told when all my work gets edited down.

Anyway, some of you reading this may care about awards shows. If that’s you, then you probably watched the Golden Globes on Sunday and I feel bad for you because why do you care about awards shows? Did you win your office pool? Nice/Better luck next time. So if you watched the show, or just read about it later, you know that comedian Ricky Gervais is catching some heat over his presentation. Apparently a few celebrities and some Hollywood Foreign Press members (who put on the show) thought that his jokes and barbs crossed a line, proving they don’t know who Ricky Gervais is.

The old adage “you get what you pay for” immediately springs to mind. If you spend $600 on a shitty old car, you end up with a shitty old car and can’t really complain when it breaks the fuck down. If you spend $100,000 to get a smart mouthed, barbed tongue comedian to host your circle jerk awards show, you’re going to get someone telling barbed jokes and pushing buttons. Lesson learned, HFP.

I don’t have a lot of sympathy for celebrities with hurt feelings. Tom Hanks has fourteen Oscars and Steven Spielberg on speed-dial, so forgive me for not shedding a tear when he feels a bit sad. Robert Downey Jr. is one of my favorite actors working today, but pouting because someone reminded him of his widely publicized and public bouts with drunken debauchery and calling the whole thing “mildly sinister” is lame. When I’m cast in Iron Man 3 and swimming in millions after my comeback, maybe I’ll relate to him then.

I’ve often said you can get away with almost anything as long as you say it’s a joke. There are hundreds of comedians who say terrible things and then wink it away. That’s the game plan. There are thousands of people who say horrible things and don’t wink it away and we don’t care anyways. Alec Baldwin is still a media darling despite calling his daughter a selfish pig – and that’s his own young daughter, not a rich celebrity with a bad haircut and a billion dollars.

You want another adage? Pick any animal you want (fox, scorpion, or rattlesnake) and remember that even if you do something nice for it, it might still kill you because that’s what it does. Ricky Gervais is a pudgy, funny scorpion. Everyone knows this. He told you that. He said he was going to push the limits. You paid him to do it. You got what you paid for and now you’re upset you bought a pissed off scorpion.

The things Gervais said weren’t all that bad. Do you think Angelina Jolie feels bad that someone reminded her The Tourist sucked? She should be used to it by now. Smile, nod, and move on in your fabulous life. Everyone laughed at the Charlie Sheen jokes, he’s the easy target of now, but oooh, don’t you dare talk about the Betty Ford Clinic or say anything wrong about Johnny Depp.

Hollywood loves itself too much and The Golden Globes are a circle jerk of drinking and meaningless awards. They brought in a comedian with a bit of raunch and then all got huffy when he did what he does. Fuck off, Hollywood, give Gervais a break and buy a sense of humor. But just don’t try to change that sense of humor into something it’s not. You get what you pay for. Meanwhile, I get past my boiling point.

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