Boiling Point: Breaking Non-News Now!

This weekend is apparently my “go against the grain” phase. First I enjoy A Nightmare on Elm Street while everyone else hates it and now I take aim at just about every site in the online community including FSR. We’re all guilty of this, because if one of us does it, all of us have to do it, or we get left behind.

What I’m talking about, friends, is reporting non-news. Everyone does it and we’re all fed it from the studios who are scared shitless of you, the consumer, going three minutes without being reminded of something they want you to be aware of. Non-news items are simply those bits of news that everyone reports that are 300+ words that say nothing. Examples?  Sure!

The next Batman movie will be released in 2012. Sweet. That’s more than two years from now. It’s worth maybe a passing mention, but an article? Meh. Anchorman 2 won’t be made. I couldn’t have reported that story any day for the past 6 years since the first movie. Does this require in-depth reporting? Not really. Matthew Vaughn was thought of to direct X-Men: First Class. Along with five others! J.J. Abrams and Steven Spielberg are going to be in someway connected on some future project! HOLY SHIT. Wait, what does that even mean?

None of these are really ground breaking news stories. Most of them are little more than press release headers. But we have to report them – I guess – to make sure you can get everything you need from one site. Many sites out there will publish anything and everything, from release dates to summaries of movies being released to word for word copies of the press releases of DVD announcements. Thankfully here at FSR we’re a bit more discerning than some, but there is no site out there that ignores all this non-news bullshit. Yes, I’m biting the hand that feeds and the hand I use to shovel that feed into my mouth.

The studios don’t want you to ever forget they’re doing something. They think if you forget that Spider-Man is being rebooted with a younger cast (BREAKING: Names considered, decisions unmade!) that you’ll forget to see it in 2012. Frankly, I don’t like being teased. You want to drop me tiny, useless bits of info to keep me waiting for two years? No thanks. Why not remind me of what’s coming to theaters this weekend? Or this month?

There is some good that can come out of these constant reminders. When it’s announced that Spider-Man 4 still hasn’t cast anyone, some sites come up with cool articles talking about casting for heroes and villains. That’s cool – but then again, how many of those lists can we create in two years between now and then?

This is a pure rant here. There is no real way to change it. You can’t ignore the information, because some people demand it. It’s never going to stop coming into our in-boxes. All we can do is filter some of the big-time bullshit releases out. Someone will always want to hear about Batman, even if it’s just a heads-up that the third movie is going to happen at some point.

It’s just irksome that there is so much non-news out there. It’s irksome we run it. It’s annoying others do too. Much of it doesn’t matter. But bandwith is cheap and posting costs nothing, so we cover it all, from people who are not-cast to directors who are not-hired to plenty of other things that aren’t happening.

Waaaahhh wahhh waaah, boo hoo. I know. I’m part of this. I know. But hey, just because we’re obligated on some level to report this, it doesn’t mean I have to like it. In fact, every time I see, or report, some bullshit bit of non-news, I go past my boiling point.

What do you think of non-news? Are you interested in far off release dates and non-casting updates?

Robert Fure is many things: horror expert, ruggedly handsome man of the world, witty prose composer, and writer of his own biography page. Beneath the bravado is a scared little boy, ready to grow into an awesome man and make lies about a scared little boy inside of him. Wait a minute...

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