31 Days of Horror: Friday the 13th (2009)

When the calendar page turns to October, we Rejects have only one thought: horror. To celebrate this grandest and darkest of months, we’ll cover one excellent horror film a day for the entirety of the month. That’s 31 Days of Horror and 31 Films perfect for viewing on a dark, chilly, October night. If you, like us, love horror and Halloween, give us a Hell Yeah and keep coming every day this month for a new dose of adrenaline.

Synopsis: When young Whitney Miller goes missing with a group of friends, thanks to the violent tendencies of homicidal hillbilly Jason Voorhees, her brother Clay goes searching for her in the woods surrounding the abandoned Camp Crystal Lake. With some newfound cannon fodder, his luck doesn’t hold out long as the machete wielding, hockey faced killer gets his slash on in this Platinum Dunes reboot.

Killer Scene: With thirteen or fourteen people brutally dispatched, there are plenty of scenes of note. In fact, with lots of boobies exposed, there are even more I could note. My favorite scene combines both boobies and blood – the feisty Amanda shows off her breasts and then retreats to her tent with her boytoy. When he goes in search of a noise (big mistake), she gets stuffed in a sleeping bag and hung over a roaring campfire. Boo and Yah.

Kill Sheet

Violence: I’ve already mentioned there are more than a dozen kills in the film, one by sleeping bag held over a roaring fire. In addition to that there are arrows going where they shouldn’t, axes being thrown with alarming precision, and all sorts of hurt being laid upon our young, wayward, good looking cast. This film does the Friday legacy proud in terms of violence.

Sex: There are three ladies who decide to bare it all for the camera and you should thank each of their mothers. The girls are all extremely good looking and well endowed in the chest. There are some sex scenes, the one you’ll be talking about later features the repeated use of the word “spectacular” describing some breasts. Accurately.

Scares: Jason Voorhees (Derek Mears) is a creepy dude and he manages to leap out unexpectedly a few times, enough to make the ladies and Cole Abaius twinkle in their panties a bit. Unless you’re heading out to an abandoned campground immediately after the film, you probably won’t have trouble getting to sleep. The violence may unsettle some, but I wouldn’t call this film scary.

Final Thoughts: Remaking a classic is a tough job. Luckily for us, Platinum Dunes didn’t set out to remake Friday the 13th as much as they set out to reboot the franchise. There’s no arguing that many of the Friday films were on the bad side, and getting worse, so I for one was happy to see the hockey faced maniac get reborn on the big screen.

I count myself amongst the fans for this film, though some probably give it an unfair shake. Of course it’s not perfect – I thought there was too much emphasis on drugs and the structure felt off. The film stays with the initial kids for a long time, like 20 minutes or more, before basically eradicating them all. Then the rest of the movie kicks in. When all is said and done, if you think of this as less of a remake and more of Jason’s return to the big screen, there is a lot here to love, from the ample nudity to the plentiful and bloody kills. Add this one to your Halloween holiday collection.

Robert Fure is many things: horror expert, ruggedly handsome man of the world, witty prose composer, and writer of his own biography page. Beneath the bravado is a scared little boy, ready to grow into an awesome man and make lies about a scared little boy inside of him. Wait a minute...

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